Farley Hill (A) – 16.6.13

Farley Hill 129-9 (all out, 37.4 overs)

Zia 2-10, Ashman 2-23

RUASCC 130-4 (33.4 overs)

Zia 82, J. Singh 32

RUASCC won by 6 wickets

It really didn’t look promising when we arrived at Farley Hill in pouring rain – rain that persisted until just after the scheduled start time of 2pm.  But as the grey cloud got a bit whiter and the showers turned to drizzle, Captain Eagle went out to the middle, lost the toss and was, perhaps surprisingly, asked to field.

Zia, thumb still heavily strapped, showed he can bowl using just his fingers and took a wicket in his first over.  From the other end Withers found plenty of swing but couldn’t get his lines right so it was down to Zia to make the next breakthrough, although it owed much to some magnificence from Chan Malde.  Jalil flicked a bouncing ball off his legs and Chan, just backward of square, dived to his left, parried it with one hand and caught it with the other as he hit the ground.  As a team RUASCC can drop a lot of catches but just recently it feels like we’re taking some real crackers.

Withers got some luck in the next over as Henry attempted a flick to square leg and ended up being caught behind off the back of his bat, but it was when Withers was replaced by Dr Ashman that the wickets started to tumble: first Hussain picked out Greenhalf on the mid-wicket boundary then Garrod cut a short ball straight to Withers at cover.  Meanwhile Jas Singh was bowling a tight spell from the other end and took 1-12 before injury forced him to come off, and when Dave Law picked up an LBW the score was 71-7 with just 12 overs remaining.

There followed a strong counter-attack from Khan who hit 35 not out, but he ran out of partners when Law’s second wicket and an unlikely run out from the lethal arm of Tranter finished the innings on 129.

RUASCC’s opening partnership lasted just three deliveries because, for the second time this season, Eagle was bowled by Shaw.  No one was particularly surprised because the captain had been explaining just a few minutes earlier how this was going to happen.  Zia batted out a maiden over, Jas Singh did the same from the other end and the innings got off to rather sedate start.

In the 11^th over Zia decided he’d had enough of poking around and launched two sixes and two fours to put a dent in Shaw’s otherwise immaculate figures.  Jas continued to be watchful and when the score reached 44-1 Zia had amassed 40 of them.  Remember, he was batting with a fractured bone in his right hand!

A couple of bowling changes followed but the score continued to build at five an over.  Zia reached fifty for the first time this season and Jas showed increasing assurance in his supporting role.  Finally in the 25^th over, having just reached the century stand, Jas hit one straight in the air and was caught by the bowler.  Only 29 runs were needed for victory but RUASCC still managed to make it a bit painful: Young Sam, playing for the first time since last year’s tour, was bowled for five and Zia was finally dismissed the same way for 82.

It was left to Dip (2 not out) to hit the winning runs in the 34^th over and avenge our defeat on this ground earlier in the year.

RUASCC Highlight:  Another superb catch this week, Chan’s dive at leg gully.

RUASCC Man of the Match:  Zia

RUASCC Team:  Eagle (capt), J. Singh, Zia, Griffiths, Dip (wkt), Malde, Greenhalf, Tranter, Law, Withers, Ashman

Kidmore End (A) – 9.6.13

Kidmore End 174-9 dec.

D. Singh 4-34, Withers 3-49

RUASCC 175-3

Fawaz 72 not out, Asim 40

RUASCC won by 7 wickets

Such was the state of some of the RUASCC players on arrival at sunny Kidmore End you would have thought the local ambulance service had a problem with its sat-nav.  Zia rocked up with a heavily bandaged right hand and declared he was unable to bowl, Dip’s lower back pain rendered him unable to keep wicket, Singh (D) struggles to walk fluently at the best of times and that’s before we even think about Eagles knees.  The good news was that there were enough youngsters like Ward, Weeks and Fawaz to add vitality to the team.  And of course there’s Withers, fresh from running the Wargrave 10k in a personal best 44:03 just a couple of hours earlier.

Eagle won the toss and put the home side in, with Ward taking the keeping gloves, and on a splendid batting pitch the Kidmore openers had a look at Withers for a couple of overs before smashing boundaries at will over mid-wicket and long-on.  It could have been a long and miserable afternoon but the lively Fawaz broke through in the twelfth over (with the score already on 55) and Withers removed the other opener in the next.  From here the scoring slowed dramatically and Withers took two more wickets, the first thanks to a sharp catch into Zia’s injured hand at silly mid-on.  Having seen his first six overs smeared for 33 runs, Withers recovered to finish on 3-49 from 12.

Then, remarkably, an enormous hanging basket appeared from behind some trees:

Best bowling figures of the day went to the younger Singh brother whose first wicket came when a mis-timed drive flew to the left of Eagle at mid-off and the captain covered the ground with the grace of an arthritic giraffe before plucking the ball from the heavens with an outstretched left hand.  It was a catch no one else in the team could have made simply through the lack of being 6’5” tall and it brought howls of delight and incomprehension from all sides of the ground.

When Singh finally removed Driscoll for 37 the score was 148-6 and despite some powerful late hitting from Frost the innings concluded on 174-9, shortly after debutant Asim had picked up his first RUASCC wicket.

After tea Withers made the long pilgrimage to the scorer’s box on the far side of the ground.  Now it cannot be denied that the Kidmore score box is a comfortable, well-proportioned little cabin with an excellent view of the pitch – the only problem is that its sodding numbers don’t work so you have to keep leaving the box and smacking the front of it every time the total passes 0 or 4 which, by the way, it does quite often when Fawaz is creaming the bowling to every conceivable part of the boundary.

The RUASCC innings began in bizarre fashion with Eagle’s pal New taking the first over and setting the perfect field as the skipper pretended not to notice:

After a couple of dot balls the temptation proved too great and Eagle cut to the boundary (through backward point, of course).  The experiment was aborted after a single over and the field returned to normal, but both Eagle and Asim took to the task nicely and both men had three fours as their only scoring strokes before the first single was taken.  Asim in particular seemed to be in a hurry and another three boundaries took the first wicket partnership past fifty in just the tenth over.

As so often happens to RUASCC/Eagle, a change of bowling brought an immediate wicket when Eagle was caught from Cooke’s first delivery.  When Ward was bowled in the same bowler’s next over it was 65-2 but that brought Fawaz to the crease and, like his batting partner, he was in for a good time: 19 runs were added in the two overs immediately following Ward’s dismissal and with 20 overs remaining fewer than 100 were needed.

By the time Asim had been caught off a high full toss for 40, an excellent innings that included nine fours, Fawaz had raced to 25 and he was joined by Weeks who intelligently rotated the strike to allow his partner to get on with it.  A six and several more boundaries took Fawaz to his second RUASCC fifty and when the 26^th over went for 15 runs it brought up the fifty stand out of which Weeks had scored five.

With victory in sight Weeks hit a couple of boundaries of his own before Fawaz sealed the win thanks to a misfield from the first ball of the 28^th over.

RUASCC Highlights:  Eagle’s remarkable left-handed catch, closely seeing off Zia’s remarkable right-handed catch.  Splice these two together and we’d have the ultimate fielding machine.

RUASCC Man of the Match:  Fawaz.

RUASCC Team:  Eagle (capt), Asim, Ward (wkt), Fawaz, Weeks, Dip, Zia, J. Singh, D. Singh, Ashman, Withers

Mortimer (A) – 2.6.13

RUASCC 171 all out

Dip 51, Malde 37

Mortimer 162-4

Baker 2-31, D. Singh 1-14

Match drawn

For many years now the English Cricket Board (ECB) has set out a series of directives for the management of young players in an effort to protect them from injury and harm.  This includes things like making sure they wear helmets when batting or keeping, and limiting the number of overs they can bowl in a spell.  But as far as I’m aware there is no such set of directives to protect us older players from the demoralising effects of getting smashed all over the park week after week by these same precocious little bastards.

I don’t know what business they have being so bloody talented anyway.  A 16-year-old boy should be fat, spotty and socially unacceptable… unless that was just me.  As a teenager my only recognisable talent was for eating crisps, having stepped up from KitKats around the time of my twelfth birthday.  A 16-year-old definitely should NOT be well-built, polite and considerably better than me at something I’ve been trying to do for LONGER THAN THEY HAVE BEEN A THING.

You can probably guess where this is going.  We arrived for a game in Mortimer and saw that half the home side were younger than the RUASCC kit bag, and only by 8pm, once we had narrowly avoided defeat, could we escape to the pub safe in the knowledge that they weren’t allowed to follow us.

Having lost the toss and been asked to bat on a pitch with no significant bounce, Ward was given LBW early on but Eagle began positively, driving a four through square and then levering a huge six over fine leg.  After two more boundaries from the skipper he was bowled for 22, then both Jas Singh and John Baker were done by balls that kept low.  At 77-4 we were running out of top order.

Fortunately both Dip and Chan decided this was the right time to post their top scores of the season.  By showing commendable concentration and attacking the bad balls the pair added 81 important runs in the next 14 overs.  Dip reached his annual half-century with his sixth four, but five minutes later both batsmen were out, and the significance of the partnership became increasingly apparent when the last six wickets fell for just 13 runs and RUASCC collapsed to 171 all out.

(Special mention here for the tea, which was widely acknowledged to be the best so far this season.)

An early breakthrough for Singh (D) looked promising but the second wicket pair pushed the score up to 78 with the help of some generous donations from Withers who is now wicketless in three matches.  After a much-needed change of bowling Baker took two wickets in quick succession - the first thanks to a catch from Withers who by now had been banished to the deep mid-wicket boundary.

This brought a young man named Fritz to the crease, and this is exactly the sort of problem child I was talking about before.  There he is with his immaculate defensive technique.  There he goes picking off the leg-side full tosses and dispatching them to the boundary.  Look at him turning singles into twos with his sharpness between the wickets.  And listen to him politely acknowledging a rare decent ball from the non-striker’s end.  What are the ECB doing to protect us from this indignity?  Nothing!  There should be a rule that these kids can only bat for six overs in a spell, the insufferable, talented, well-rounded, amiable little shits.

With ten overs remaining Mortimer still needed 80 to win, but then they started scoring at ten runs an over which caused Dr Eagle a good deal of concern.  RUASCC, missing Zia, seemed incapable of tying down either end and soon Fritz, and his much more experienced partner, needed 22 from the final two.  Fritz took plenty from the penultimate over but in a frantic bid for a single was run out on the last ball for 46.

Withers was called upon to bowl the final over, a task which was made considerably less daunting by the departure of Fritz, except that the new batsman was Fritz’s slightly bigger older brother.  Fortunately he struggled to lay bat on ball and only managed to add three runs to the score, and RUASCC left the pitch relieved to have earned a draw.

RUASCC Highlight:  When Andy Eagle faced a bowler called Andy with Andy Ashman and Andy Greenhalf umpiring.  A really special moment for Andy fans.

RUASCC Man of the Match:  Dip. 

RUASCC Team: Ward, Eagle (capt), J. Singh, Dip (wkt), Baker, Malde, Greenhalf, D. Singh, Tranter, Ashman, Withers

Tilehurst & Theale (A) – 26.5.13

RUASCC 215-8 (44 overs)

J. Singh 45, Zia 37

Tilehurst & Theale 162-9 (41 overs)

Zia 5-21, Waqar 2-22

Match drawn

After being bowled out for just 73 the day before, a RUASCC team with six changes travelled to Theale for the second game of a warm and sunny weekend.  For the opposition view, Mr Cooper has once again produced the goods in his match report, although I understand that Operation Yewtree are on the case after it was discovered that the site contains images of some very young barenaked ladies.

Meanwhile, in a bid to appeal to the modern youth, I’ve brought my own match report a bit more up-to-date and translated it into gangsta rap, thanks to the fabulous gizoogle translator.  Enjoy.

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With Eagle absent ten minutes before tha scheduled start time dat shiznit was left ta Zia ta do tha toss, win it, chizzle ta bat n' take over as captain fo' tha day. It make me wanna hollar playa!  Eagle n' Fawaz opened tha battin n' put on 66 before they both fell tha fuck up in quick succession. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.  Da two freshly smoked up men, Jas n' Zia, carried on tha phat work n' added 79 runs but they too was dissed n' dismissed up in tha same over n' shit.  Jas was caught just five runs short of a gangbangin' fifty n' Zia was caught off a high full toss dat should have gone ta tha mid-wicket boundary but somehow ended up at mid-off.

Da RUASCC innings could have faltered at dis point but Baker held firm fo' 28 not up while tha tailendaz contributed tha odd boundary before gettin out.  Da fucked up Jagesh rocked up ta rupture suttin' as he attempted a second run n' was run up by a cold-ass lil considerable distance.  Afterwardz his schmoooove ass could barely make it ta tha boundary before collapsin up in a heap.

Despite tha fall of wickets Baker n' Co managed ta add 40 runs up in tha last five overs ta finish on a straight-up respectable 215-8.

Da freshly smoked up bizzle was given ta Fawaz n' off-spinner Nadeem n' dat shiznit was tha slow bowla whoz ass took tha straight-up original gangsta wicket when Mehta was adjudged LBW despite clearly believin he’d gots a gangbangin' fair bit of bat on dat shit.  In tha tenth over Nadeem took tha second wicket ta leave tha home side 25-2 but tha innings was rebuilt by Blake n' Why, whoz ass saw off a thugged-out dozen bowlin chizzlez ta add 65 before tha ever-reliable Waqar came on ta remove dem both.

At 93-4 T&T needed 123 ta win wit 14 overs remainin n' fo' a while dis looked on tha cardz as they added another 46 fo' tha fifth wicket.  Then tha door was firmly shut by Zia whoz ass removed both Holda n' White up in one over, props ta a sharp slip catch by Jagesh n' a phat low take by Nadeem.

With tha run-rate reduced ta almost not a god damn thang Zia dissed n' dismissed Cooper n' Brown ta make RUASCC phat favourites fo' tha win yo, but tha lower order blocked just long enough cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce.  Zia’s five-wicket haul was sealed by another pimped out catch by Jagesh, whoz ass despite only havin use of one leg managed ta dive ta his fuckin left at slip n' snag it one-handed a inch from tha floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.  But tha final wicket wouldn’t come n' Tilehurst & Theale finished on 162-9.  Another hugely enjoyable, high-scorin game n' two mo' phat match reports, n' you can put dat on yo' toast.

RUASCC Highlight:  Jagesh’s second slip catch, quite remarkable.

RUASCC Man of the Match:  Zia.

RUASCC G-Unit:  Eagle, Fawaz, J. Singh, Zia (capt), Baker (wkt), Nadeem, Waqar, Taimour, Jagesh, Ashman, Withers