RUASCC Season Review 2012

This will hardly go down as one of the club’s most successful seasons, with only four wins in five months, instead it will more likely be remembered for the huge part played by the weather: 11 games were cancelled, two were abandoned for rain and another handful were played on wet, sticky pitches that made batting in particular very tricky.

We only made 200+ on two occasions, in five games we posted less than 100 and only two of our batsmen averaged more than 20 this year. Every player made a contribution - there were just too few games when we all pulled it together at the same time.  There were, however, two wins from two on a very successful tour in Cheltenham.

With thanks to Dr Eagle for providing the statistics, here is the essential Keiwit Blog guide to the key players this season.

Andy Eagle (Captain)
Played 17
335 runs at 23.93
7 catches

Opening batsman Andy Eagle bookended the season with fifties against Greys Green (51) and Mandarins (61), and enjoyed success in the two games against Tilehurst & Theale with scores of 32 and 47. For the rest of the season he scored practically nothing at all.

This season saw Eagle add to his responsibilities as Fixture Secretary and Team Secretary by replacing Richard Tranter as Club Captain. He ends the season with a negative win:loss record but a positive coin toss record.

In the field he is liable to instruct people to field at “sort of thereish” and “on the point… no, not at point, ON THE POINT” but he concentrated hard enough to claim a total of seven catches, mostly from a mid-onny sort of place.

Mike Ward
Played 12
207 runs at 18.82
2 wickets at 19.5
2 catches

Wardy’s reward for not missing tour with a poorly-timed holiday this year was a top score of 46 against Aldsworth – an innings during which he was accused of only having one shot by the team who nevertheless continued to feed it for the best part of an hour.

A patient and steady 29 on the stodgy wicket at Peppard was another useful contribution and a breezy 27 against Hambleden came as a welcome respite from all the times he offered catching practice to slip or played around a straight one early on.

His two wickets came at an impressive strike rate (he only bowled six overs all season) but perhaps his finest moment came as umpire when he gave Kenny out LBW against Greys Green just at the point when everyone was about to kill themselves.

Ian Carpenter
Played 16
251 runs at 16.73
4 wickets at 22.75
2 catches

A new streamlined Carpo was by far our most consistent batsman in 2012, and by that I mean he consistently reached double figures before spooning a simple catch into the covers.

To his evident frustration he was unable to post a really substantial score this season, but 47 at Wargrave and 44 against Aldsworth helped him pass the milestone of 3,000 runs for the club, while he also reached 150 wickets thanks to a menacing spell of 2-8 from five overs at Farley Hill.

Chan Malde
Played 12
141 runs at 12.82
3 wickets at 12
1 catch and 1 stumping

One of the undoubted highlights of 2012 was the opening stand of 135 in the 20-20 game against Birdlip on tour in which Chan amassed 55. It was an innings of flair and power and was typical of a batsman who has now played 200 matches for RUASCC and scored 3,610 runs.

That said, it was not typical of Chan this season. Too many innings simply failed to get started, although
useful runs in the abandoned match at Hambleden contributed to our competitive total.

His exceptional work in the field saved countless runs and also contributed to a wicket against Wargrave when his diving stop at short mid-off frustrated the batsman into getting stumped from the next ball. Two wickets came in his short spell at Aldsworth as he proved he’s not actually a bad bowler either.

Dip Patel
Played 12
131 runs at 11.91
3 catches and 6 stumpings

Dip’s stand-out batting performance this year was the 58 he scored against Tilehurst & Theale which, had it been a 65 or 70, would probably have won us the game. It was the sort of knock that makes you wonder how he only managed to score a total of 73 runs in his other ten innings.

In the game at Fulmer Dip was loosely involved in a 78-run stand with Zia in which he scored 11, took a full-blooded drive straight in the chest at the non-striker’s end and was eventually run out.

And even though his wicketkeeping sometimes resembles a drunken toddler playing table tennis he did manage to take three catches and six stumpings along the way.

Zia Ul-Haq
Played 15
386 runs at 35.09
29 wickets at 15.59
3 catches

In another useful season from the 2011 Player of the Year, Zia’s top score was an unbeaten 103 at Greys Green but his most remarkable innings came at Fulmer where he smashed an incredible 82 in a team total of just 110 all out. On tour he hammered Birdlip for 62 before retiring to give someone else a go.

On those occasions when his concentration wavers he is still prone to getting himself out – most notably being run out when strolling what should have been an easy leg bye at Peppard – but often is batting is so imperious that it seems no one else is capable of dismissing him.

Zia once again finished top wicket-taker and his most remarkable feat with the ball was at Frieth where his spell of four wickets in four balls almost won us the match. He finished with 6-15 that day (the only five-wicket haul by any RUASCC bowler this year) and also took four against Braywood and Tilehurst & Theale.

Zia has now played more than 100 games for the club, taken over 200 wickets and scored over 2,000 runs. To very little complaint he was named RUASCC Player of the Year 2012.

Richard Tranter
Played 13
60 runs at 10
5 wickets at 26
1 catch

RUASCC’s all-time record holder for appearances (729) has 1,150 club wickets and is slowly closing in on 5,000 runs, so a few more trips up the order next season wouldn’t go amiss.

This was a quiet season for the Chairman who only bowled 20 overs, taking five wickets with those “shock & awe” straight ones he throws in from time to time. He was however afforded the appropriate respect by Aldsworth, where he bowled his full allocation of seven overs while the batting team agreed they just needed to “see off the old boy” as they couldn’t get him off the square.

Other notable highlights included the moment at Braywood when, after a long and uninspiring partnership, Tranter was run out by his own captain, and that sensational one-handed catch at slip against Mandarins.

Ken Stewart
Played 11
38 runs at 9.5
11 wickets at 16.82
3 catches

Kenny began the season with an unplayable spell on a damp pitch at Farley Hill, finishing with figures of 4-13. The following week he took 1-1.

In the home game against Wargrave later in the season he could have had six wickets but for some inept catching from his teammates. Kenny’s strike rate is excellent, he is undoubtedly a partnership breaker and he remains a safe catcher as long as the ball goes directly to him.

But the batting! Oh my god, the batting! It’s painful. Honestly, people have slipped into a coma waiting for him to play a shot - it’s like watching Withers in slow motion. He’s like a fourth stump. I’ve seen the fielding team try to declare while he’s in. Please, for the love of all that is holy, MAKE IT STOP!

Waqar Ul-Haq
Played 7
33 runs at 8.25
15 wickets at 14.4
2 catches

Waqar only played seven matches but finished third highest wicket taker, with the best official average. A superb start to the season saw him take 3-5 against Shedfield, 3-42 against Greys Green and 3-38 in a long spell at Highmoor. His accurate and at times deadly left-arm spin caused good batsmen problems and wreaked havoc against lesser teams.

He provides a useful variation and is able to tie down an end, a skill that we lacked with his absence in the second half of the season.

Andy Ashman
Played 13
22 runs at 4.4
1 wicket at 209
1 catch

Andy Ashman has now played more than 300 matches for the club and has probably done at least 20 overs umpiring in every single one.

With limited opportunities to bowl a proper spell he only took one wicket this season, unless you count the beer match at Frieth (which we don’t). He did however show scintillating form with the bat: for the first time that I can remember he reached double figures twice.

Keith Withers
Played 17
50 runs at 16.67
27 wickets at 19.48
5 catches

After two quite awful seasons with the ball Withers returned to some kind of form in 2012, possibly helped by the same conditions that made life so hard for our batsmen. He particularly enjoyed the two matches against Greys Green, taking four wickets in each, and continues to perform well in our rare home games – his season’s best figures of 4-30 against Mandarins and a miserly spell of 1-9 from ten overs against Wargrave suggest he would appreciate more games at the university.

Other highlights included 3-14 at Farley Hill followed by an opening burst of 3-4 from four overs at Peppard. It is also perhaps worth noting that two of his catches were off his own bowling while all five that he dropped were off other people’s bowling.

Withers continues to be a solid but ultimately useless batsman – in his ten innings he was only dismissed three times but with a top score of only 15 not out he is still considered number eleven material.

Other notable contributions:

Dersh Patel: Only played in five matches this year; 60 of his 79 runs came in a third wicket stand of 110 against Mandarins.

Bruce Main: Missed much of the season through injury but made a triumphant return on tour taking three wickets against Birdlip. Some powerful hitting at Hambleden, where he scored 37, reminded us how useful he can be sometimes. Passed 1,000 runs for the club.

Tom Weeks: Played six games this season, averaging 12.5 with the bat. His one wicket came against Aldsworth on tour and he also contributed a couple of catches. Nice chap.

Jagesh Navik: Played nine matches and some entertaining hitting saw him involved in the season’s highest partnerships for both 8th and 9th wickets. Struggled with the ball and took only four wickets at an average of 51, but helped out with four catches.

Merry Christmas everyone, see you next year!

Mandarins (H) – 15.9.12

RUASCC 182-6
Eagle 61, Dersh 60

Mandarins 154-8
Withers 4-36, Main 2-28

Match drawn

Having been bowled out for 67 on our home pitch just seven days earlier it was pleasing to see a competitive RUASCC batting performance against the Mandarins on Saturday. Mind you, any side that can afford to keep RB Tranter hidden down at number ten should definitely be making some runs.

Eagle won the toss and chose to bat first, a decision that was welcomed by Carpenter right up to the moment in the seventh over when Eagle ran him out. Carpenter pushed the ball into the off-side and called a single but Eagle said “no” leaving Carpenter halfway down the track with no hope of salvation. There are two camps here: the one who think it was Carpo’s call and if Eagle had been backing up properly then a single was a formality, and the other who thinks the ball was headed straight for a fielder and the single was never on. I can confidently state that one of these views is absolutely correct.

Rupert Loader was next in and for a couple of overs he concentrated on trying to lay bat on ball while his partner obsessed about the run out. After a few careful singles Loader found the boundary twice but after this promising start he was trapped LBW for 13 to leave RUASCC 42-2.

Then, for the second week in a row, Eagle was involved in a century partnership for the third wicket – this time with Dersh who used the first few overs of his innings as net practice before growing in confidence and driving smoothly just like in the old days. The run rate didn’t really get going until after the drinks break at which point we had just 59 on the board from 23 overs - the pair doubled that in the next nine.

The two batsmen reached fifties in consecutive deliveries to warm applause from the rest of the RUASCC team in front of the pavilion – except Carpenter who’d gone for a long walk. Then the Mandarins brought on a new bowler, Porter, who clean bowled Eagle in his second over and Dersh in his third. This brought about a mini-collapse as Dip and Chan went cheaply while looking to score quickly, but Bruce Main thumped an unbeaten 15 from about six balls to boost the total up to 182-6.

Withers and Main opened the bowling and both were quickly among the wickets: Withers took a sharp return catch and also removed Porter who’d looked in good touch while Main got an LBW decision from our own umpire then clean bowled a four-year-old boy – not that the history books will make any kind of distinction, of course.

Chan Malde picked up a wicket in his first over, thanks to a good catch by Main running in at mid-off, and set up a fascinating duel between bowler Ben Loader and guest batsman Danny Loader. Almost everyone on the field was praying for a

Loader      c Loader      b Loader

dismissal but young Dan played beautifully for nine runs before he was eventually bowled by his brother.

Mandarins still needed 76 runs from the final eight overs and Frostick was giving it a damn good go - the number three eased to fifty then started hitting out and brought the visitors to within 45 runs of the target. With four overs remaining Withers returned to the attack and Frostick, looking to smear everything now, came down the track and got a top edge that would have flown through the slip area had it not been for the lightning fast reflexes of Tranter. There’s a scene in Superman where he catches a speeding bullet – it was like that. While everyone else was looking down to third man, Tranter plucked the ball out of the air and held it aloft in celebration of the most remarkable catch of the season.

With Frostick gone RUASCC could concentrate on winning the match, and Withers claimed another scalp to set up the final over showdown with Bruce Main needing one more wicket for victory. Alas, despite a ring of close fielders and failing light, the batsman resisted and RUASCC ended up in the position we’re much more used to putting other teams in: so close, but match drawn.

And now, with winter seemingly approaching again, it looks like this might have been the last game of the season. With a decent RUASCC performance and a dramatic finale, it was a thoroughly enjoyable match to end the year.

Except perhaps for Carpo.

RUASCC Highlight: The highlight of this match, this season, and possibly any other season, was undoubtedly Tranter’s remarkable pouch at slip that could have won us the game.

RUASCC Man of the Match: Trant.

RUASCC Team: Carpenter, Eagle (capt), R Loader, Dersh, Dip (wkt), Malde, Weeks, Main, B Loader, Tranter, Withers

Tilehurst & Theale (A) – 9.9.12

Tilehurst & Theale 209-8
Zia 4-46, Saad 3-53

RUASCC 191-8
Fawaz 58, Eagle 47

Match drawn

The second leg of our weekend double-header saw RUASCC travel to Tilehurst & Theale Cricket Club, a ground that’s seen plenty of runs in our recent encounters. As regular followers of the blog will know this is the fixture where I usually put songs into the match report – well, just for a change, this time I’ve put the match report into a song. With an appreciative nod to 1950s comedy duo Flanders & Swann, I present to you “The Batsman Cometh”.

(piano intro.)

'Twas on a recent Sunday we travelled down to Theale
Our skipper won the toss – and promptly chose to field
He threw the ball to Taimur, the innings to commence
But his first ball was a long-hop and was clattered to the fence.

Oh, it all makes work for the fielding team to do.

'Twas in the fifteenth over we saw a wicket fall
When Zia bowled a straight one – and Puri missed the ball
We’d been waiting for that breakthrough for an hour in the sun
And it was at least an hour before we saw another one.

Oh, it all makes work for the bowling team to do.

'Twas when he’d scored a hundred the opener retired
We’re rather glad he chose to go before we all expired
We tried some different bowlers, but all were doomed to fail
So we had to bring old Saad back on to come and clean the tail.

Oh, it all makes work for the taxi man to do.

'Twas from a Saad delivery that Wardy took a knock
While diving down the leg side, used his ankle for the block
The bruise and painful swelling made it hard to run about
So Withers took the gloves and promptly ran a batsman out.

Oh, it all makes work for the hospital to do.

'Twas when they’d passed two hundred the home side had enough
And based on recent history we could tell it would be tough
Then Carpenter and Ward got out with just five overs gone
And no one on the planet thought the victory might be on.

Oh, it all makes work for the batsmen still to do.

'Twas down to Doctor Eagle to try to make a score
And he was joined by Fawaz, who started with a four
They faced some useful bowling, which tested their techniques
So a hundred runs were added but it took them several weeks.

Oh, it all makes work for the scorer’s pen to do.

'Twas down to Brian Cooper to take the game apart
He bowled Fawaz for fifty-eight, and that was just the start
Main and Saad and Taimur were dealt with pretty quick
With Zia given leg-before despite a massive knick.

Oh, it all makes work for the umpire to do.

With forty runs still needed it wasn’t looking good
We would have liked to chase the win but didn’t think we could
With any decent batsmen we’d have won with time to spare
But neither Ken nor Withers could get it off the square.

The stubborn tail-enders simply shut and locked the door
So t’was on a Sunday evening that we finished with the draw.

RUASCC Highlight: Great to see Saad back and bowling quick!

RUASCC Man of the Match: Fawaz for his debut fifty.

RUASCC Team: Carpenter, Eagle (capt), Ward (wkt), Fawaz, Zia, Main, Taimur, Saad, Stewart, Withers, Ashman

Greys Green (H) – 8.9.12

RUASCC 67 all out
Zia 19, Stewart 14

Greys Green 68-6
Withers 4-30, Zia 2-31

RUASCC lost by 4 wickets

On a hot, sunny Saturday afternoon at the university RUASCC will feel they let this game slip away after a sensational batting performance was criminally wasted by wayward and sloppy bowling.

Eagle could hardly believe his luck when Greys won the toss and asked him to bat, and together with Mike Ward he got the innings off to the perfect start by scoring runs in the very first over. And several more runs followed before Ward was caught at slip for a magnificent three, ending a very useful opening partnership that nevertheless set the perfect foundation for what was to follow.

Zia joined Eagle and set off in his usual style hitting countless boundaries as the pair pushed the score first past 20, then past 30 as the bowlers melted and the fielders cried and cried. For Zia this was one of his very best knocks for RUASCC, a colossal performance that was only ended when a momentary lapse of concentration saw him bowled by Rooke. Meanwhile Dr Eagle was looking to convert his double-figure score into a so-called “Daddy Teen” but tiredness crept in and a lazy swing at an Ahmed straight ball saw him clean bowled for 13.

Any joy on the bowler’s part at taking the wicket would have turned to despair when he saw Loader stride to the crease, and sure enough the new batsman teased and toyed with the bowling for the best part of an over before he graciously allowed himself to retire LBW for 0. Tranter, batting up the order at number six, demonstrated all his tactical nous and experience by being caught at mid-off for 0, and Russell Turley demonstrated that he’s not overawed at this level by being bowled first ball for 0.

Through all this excitement Dip had weighed anchor and was playing the sort of mature, responsible innings we’ve come to expect – not without its fair share of aggression (he found the boundary on no less than one occasion) his guiding hand led RUASCC to the brink of scoring 50 runs before he succumbed LBW to one of the very best deliveries in the history of cricket. The honour of pushing us beyond the 50 milestone went to Alan Ward who scored just enough runs to take us there before he was bowled by Ahmed for one.

With the pressure off, the gleeful tailenders tore into the bowling and Stewart peppered all parts of the square with his monstrous pat-downs while Withers played so beautifully straight that Greys could have dispensed with at least seven fielders. A huge, free-scoring partnership ensued with a run being added in almost every one of the 14 overs the pair stayed together. Eventually Stewart got a little too ambitious and actually tried to hit one but by then the damage was done – RUASCC had amassed 66-9 and there were still 10 overs to go before the scheduled tea time.

Dr Ashman, sensing the mood perfectly, attempted a reverse-ramp-switch-scoop-drive from his third ball but he didn’t quite nail the execution and was caught at leg-gully for a tremendous 0.

With such a grand total on the board Dr Eagle knew that a win was a nigh-on certainty as long as his bowlers kept their nerve, but over the next couple of hours the captain was badly let down. Withers, usually capable of at least imitating respectability, descended to the level of a safari park chimp flinging faeces at passers-by. Zia tried hard, bless him, but it might be time to own up to the fact that he’s simply not good enough at this level.

Runs were scored from the majority of overs that the two hapless chancers threw down – sometimes as many as one or two at a time. And even when they did manage to fluke a maiden they didn’t get many wickets. But as the saying goes, even a pissed up tramp vomiting up his special brew sometimes hits a dustbin, and Withers eventually trapped Cross LBW with his first straight delivery of the day.

In the next over Zia’s absurd slower ball made Holroyd feel so miserable that he voluntarily gave up his wicket, but opener Butler continued to treat the “attack” with the contempt it deserved as Greys coasted towards victory. Not even a five over spell where three wickets fell for no runs could halt the miserable bowling collapse, and Withers, who wasted 14 overs with this filth, was replaced by Loader who kept it tight for one ball before conceding the run that lost the game. Not his fault. Not even Dennis Lillee could have rescued the sorry mess our bowlers created for us.

RUASCC Highlight: So difficult to choose one individual highlight from a batting performance so utterly, relentlessly compelling as this one, but if forced into a corner I would say that our second leg bye was as close to perfection as I’ve seen in a long time.

RUASCC Man of the Match: Dr Ashman.

RUASCC Team: M Ward, Eagle (capt), Zia, Loader, Dip (wkt), Tranter, Turley, Stewart, A Ward, Withers, Ashman

Hambleden (A) – 2.9.12

RUASCC 182-8
Main 37, Ward 27

Hambleden 70-3
Zia 2-8, Stewart 1-15

Match abandoned due to rain

It’s always good to visit the picturesque Hambleden hills - such a shame on this occasion that the weather seemed intent to ruin the occasion. What started as cloudy, overcast conditions eventually descended into constant drizzle, then a heavy shower, eerie darkness and a sadly inevitable abandonment of what was shaping up to be a likely win for RUASCC.

Dr Eagle won the toss and opted to make use of the best conditions in a limited-overs game, and this looked the right decision from the start as the captain put on a near-faultless opening stand of 64 with Mike Ward. Eagle’s first delivery, a wide long-hop, was smashed to the boundary at cover and despite some tense moments as he neared double figures (“the nervous nines” said Dr Ashman knowingly) he looked reasonably untroubled. Ward meanwhile pulled powerfully for two fours down to the pavilion where the rest of his RUASCC teammates welcomed every run.

Eagle was first to go when he chipped to mid-off for 26 and Ward (27) followed not long after when he offered a simple catch to backward square-leg. Carpenter started strongly with a couple of boundaries but having hit Walker’s first delivery for another four he was caught off the very next ball.

Zia and Chan exchanged some interesting calling and Zia just survived a run out when the man at cover just missed the stumps – then just a few overs later he called a risky second and a decent throw from the boundary sent him packing for 15. Dip was bowled for 0 in the same over to leave RUASCC 109-5 with 12 overs remaining.

What followed was the second important partnership of the innings: Bruce Main got off the mark with a boundary then hit a massive six over mid-wicket while his partner Malde played for singles at first before battering a couple of fours himself. 42 runs were added in eight overs before Malde was caught for 20, but the runs continued to flow as Tranter launched a straight lofted drive and Bruce clubbed a few more to push the total up towards 180.

In the final over Main was bowled going for another big hit, Pensioner Ken Stewart was run out for 0 as he went for a little wander and Tranter finished on 12 not out in what constituted a very decent score for RUASCC.

The rain arrived during the tea interval and never really went away; the Hambleden batsman found scoring runs difficult and Zia clean bowled both openers in his five-over spell. Withers bowled his eight overs for just 16 runs and Ken Stewart proved dangerous bowling down the hill and picked up a wicket thanks to a good catch from Eagle at mid-on. With 17 overs remaining Hambleden still needed 113 to win but conditions put an end to the run chase and after a short wait in the pavilion the whole group retired to the pub across the road.

RUASCC Highlight: Tranter and Main adding 28 in three overs towards the end of the innings.

RUASCC Man of the Match: Bruce Main.

RUASCC Team: Ward, Eagle (capt), Carpenter, Zia, Malde, Dip (wkt), Main, Tranter, Stewart, Withers, Ashman

Frieth (A) – 26.8.12

RUASCC 92 all out
Malde 16, Stewart 12 not out

Frieth 94-8
Zia 6-15, Withers 2-48

RUASCC lost by 1 wicket

It’s always a close game when we play Frieth. Two years ago, defending 112, we lost by just one wicket. Last year we successfully chased 147 with not much time to spare thanks to a superb innings from Zia. This year, despite being bowled out for 92 in just 30 overs, we really should have won.

With Eagle absent for the first time this season and two players pulling out on the day of the game RUASCC were already in some disarray before the scheduled start time of 2pm. To add to the chaos captain Zia arrived a few minutes late so Dr Ashman lost the toss on his behalf and we were asked to bat. Frieth generously donated a youngster, Peter Collins, so the teams were even at 10 aside.

Carpenter realised it was down to him to open the batting so he looked around at this sorry collection of individuals to see if any of them might be capable of propping themselves up at the non-striker’s end while he got on with the job of scoring some runs. Eventually his eyes settled on Withers who pretended to be closely studying the scorebook hoping he was suddenly invisible. Withers had already clocked sight of someone who looked a lot like a very tall, very fast bowler and he was rather hoping not to have to be within 22 yards of him if he could possibly help it.

Nevertheless, five minutes later Withers propped himself up at the non-striker’s end as “The Bowler” Boyce, a simply magnificent specimen close up, breezed in to deliver the first ball of the match which Carpenter effortlessly brushed off for a single to square leg. Withers took guard and, with a tiny trickle of urine dribbling down his trouser leg, somehow managed to see off the rest of the over before gratefully handing as much of the strike as he could back to his partner.

Carpenter had reached nine before he was bowled by Boyce (swoon) with one that kept a bit low. Malde set to work quickly, hitting three boundaries before Withers’ patient vigil was ended, by Boyce again, as he decided to leave a straight one and was bowled on off-stump. RUASCC had looked solid but unspectacular at 43-1 but by the time Withers had taken his pads off we had collapsed to 50-7 – new bowler Ben Smiley picked up five wickets in his first three overs to get rid of Malde, Greenhalf, Zia, Collins and Jagesh.

Some clean hitting from Dale Partridge helped to add 24 for the eighth wicket but he middled another Smiley delivery straight to mid-on to bring last man Dr Ashman to the crease. Ashman belted a couple of boundaries of his own as we briefly threatened to reach 100 but he found backward short-leg with the final ball of the 30th over to bring the innings to a close. Pensioner Ken Stewart was the man unbeaten with 12.

Withers and Jagesh opened the bowling and kept it tight for a few overs before Withers bowled left-handed Wright through the gate to make it 16-1. Next man in was Mr Boyce, and any doubts as to whether he could bat as well as bowl were soon put to rest as fifteen seconds later we were rescuing the ball from the long grass beyond the mid-wicket boundary. Carpenter replaced Jagesh and started with a maiden but any hopes of a breakthrough were dashed as four quite presentable chances were put down in quick succession – most notably when Boyce skewed to Jagesh at point. It was only when Zia brought himself on that Boyce eventually perished for 27, a big score in the circumstances, with keeper Partridge just stealing the catch from under Ashman’s nose.

Zia then picked up his second, bowling Webber for two, and Withers held a diving return catch to dismiss opener McKenzie to leave Frieth 51-4. Once again the arrival of Ben Smiley turned things in the home side’s favour and soon enough without further loss Frieth were just seven runs from victory. Then Zia came on to bowl his fifth over.

With the first delivery Koslewski offered a simple catch back to the bowler. The second delivery saw Hanson clean bowled for a golden duck, leaving Zia on a hatrick. The RUASCC field closed in, Zia sent down another quick, straight one which rapped the pad bang in front – to a massive roar the umpire raised his finger and Zia had his hatrick.

After a long wait for a new batsman Zia sent down another corker – plum in front again, loud appeal – OUT! Four in four for Zia and Frieth were down to their last wicket still with seven runs to win.

In the face of intense pressure the home skipper saw off the remaining two balls of Zia’s over, a quadruple wicket maiden, to bring Smiley back on strike to Withers. After the first delivery went for two runs there was another massive appeal for LBW, this time turned down by the umpire, and eventually Smiley won the game with a slash down to third man.

BEER MATCH

The early finish prompted a ten-over beer match in which Withers took the gloves and claimed his first ever stumping in Dr Ashman’s over. There were notable performances from Carpenter who took 2-2 and Greenhalf who made up for his earlier first ball dismissal by hitting 22 including a six at the top of the innings. Chasing 68 to win RUASCC eventually stumbled over the line with just one ball to spare, guest star Peter Collins hitting the winning runs.

RUASCC Highlight: Zia’s four-wicket maiden that almost won us the match.

RUASCC Man of the Match: Zia.

RUASCC Team: Carpenter, Withers, Malde, Zia (capt), Greenhalf, Stewart, Collins, Jagesh, Partridge (wkt), Ashman

Fulmer (A) – 18.8.12

Fulmer 206-4 dec
Stewart 2-32, Zia 1-40

RUASCC 110 all out
Zia 82, Dip 11

RUASCC lost by 96 runs

On this baking hot Saturday afternoon in mid-August RUASCC were given a cricketing lesson for the second year in a row by Fulmer CC, just north of Slough. With only ten fielders we put in a decent shift but still got carted for over 200 in 41 overs, but with the bat everyone with the exception of Zia had their arses well and truly handed to them. It is fair to say that we missed the steadying influence of Ian Carpenter who didn’t quite manage to turn up on the right day.

Last season Fulmer scored 244-3 thanks largely to an unbeaten century by Field; this year Field opened again and scored another unbeaten century. I’m wondering if he shouldn’t perhaps change his name to “Bat”.

After Withers and Zia each opened with a maiden the runs started to flow and the score had reached 37 when Withers trapped Kuman LBW with a slower ball that may or may not have been hitting the stumps. This proved to be a mistake as it brought Ali to the wicket and he hit three of the remaining balls of Withers’ over to the boundary. Ali continued to thrash it around before he was eventually caught by Jagesh off Zia for 49.

The pace slowed somewhat after that as the two batsmen nudged the ball around taking long, slow singles in the energy-sapping heat. Jagesh and Ashman each had a spell without reward so Eagle turned to his breakthrough bowler Pensioner Ken Stewart. This worked almost straight away – Jagesh accepted another catch to finally end the 87-run partnership and King was bowled for 0 in the same over.

Fulmer carried on just long enough for Field to reach three figures then declared moments before Withers would have returned to clean up the tail.

The feeling in the RUASCC dressing room was that if we were to win the game then Zia would have to score a century. So Zia went out to open the batting with Eagle and before long we realised that if we were to win the game Zia would probably have to score a double-century.

While Zia took the bowling apart with some blistering strokes the rest of the batting line-up simply crumpled. The statistics are staggering: Dip and Extras were joint second top scorers on 11, then Eagle third with 5. The other seven batsmen contributed just ONE run between them. Six ducks, all clean bowled. And what makes it even worse – that one run was scored by Ken Stewart who remained not out.

Zia had already hit three fours and a six by the time Eagle was caught behind for the first wicket, then both Dersh and Rahul were bowled for 0 to leave us 28-3. Dip provided valuable support as the onslaught continued: Zia brought up his fifty with his tenth four then hit three more fours and a six to move to 70 - he was prepared to win the thing on his own until a leg injury severely hampered his running.

Sure enough the partnership was soon ended by a run out – but in fact it was Dip who failed to make his ground, beaten by a direct hit from the impressive Ali to end a partnership of 78. With Zia at the crease we still had hope, but the strength had deserted him and he offered two catching chances in successive balls, the second one taken at gully to end a quite brilliant innings of 82.

There was nothing left for RUASCC – when we lost Zia we lost the game. In just half an hour 106-3 became 110 all out as Fulmer finished the job with 16 overs to spare.

RUASCC Highlight: It was quite funny when Dip took a Zia drive directly in the chest at the non-striker’s end. Although possibly not for Dip.

RUASCC Man of the Match: Oh I don’t know really.

RUASCC Team: Zia, Eagle (capt), Dersh, Rahul, Dip (wkt), Scarr, Jagesh, Stewart, Withers, Ashman

RUASCC Apologies: Carpenter

Wargrave (H) – 5.8.12

Wargrave 174-6 dec
Stewart 3-46, Withers 1-9

RUASCC 94-9
Carpenter 23, Weeks 13

Match drawn

I don’t feel like wasting too many words on this one as it follows a very similar pattern to the Braywood game the week before: RUASCC bowl first and do a reasonably OK job, drop a few catches, then have a bat and fall a long way short of the mark but cling on for a draw. The game was at least notable for being our first this season at our “home” ground at Reading University.

Withers opened with a wicket maiden, bowling the left-handed Drew through the gate, and followed up with three more consecutive maidens from the tennis court end. Meanwhile the batsmen were taking six an over from Jagesh at the other end so Carpenter was brought on to calm things down a bit. Withers completed a ten-over spell conceding just nine runs but despite this the second-wicket partnership added 92 before they were eventually separated by that man Ken Stewart again – Eagle taking the catch.

Poor old Ken should have had six wickets in this match but he didn’t have much luck: Jagesh spilled two straightforward chances at mid-on and Wardy failed to hold on when diving to his left at square leg – all off the same batsman! Fittingly the two chastened fielders later combined to run the man out but by then he’d scored 72.

Stewart did earn an LBW to remove Davies for 20 before French was run out for 4 as RUASCC rallied. Then Chan’s superb fielding directly led to another wicket: angry at picking out Chan at short mid-off the ball before, Clark Junior came dancing down the wicket to Ken and was stumped by a couple of yards. The final wicket to fall came from an unlikely source as Mike Ward’s occasional slow ones gave another catch to Captain Eagle at mid-off, and it’s fair to say that Wardy would have had a second wicket but for Dip’s grotesque manhandling of another stumping chance.

RUASCC would usually feel confident of topping 174 on the university wicket and the opening batsmen survived the first ten overs before Eagle was caught behind for nine and Ward gave catching practice to slip for just six. Carpenter set off confidently and got the scoreboard going while Gehlot (3) was run out and we reached drinks needing 117 from the final 20 overs with seven wickets in hand.

Our hopes largely depended on Carpenter but he scooped the first ball after the break straight to point and a promising innings was ended on 23. Dip (3) was dismissed in the next over, closely followed by Chan (0) and Stewart (1). We do love a good collapse and from 58-3 we were suddenly 66-7 with 15 overs remaining.

Having already dropped two catches Jagesh was having a bit of a special day and it didn’t get a whole lot better when he was given run out for five when he looked suspiciously safe. Poor old Jagesh made his way back to the pavilion where he crossed a black cat, walked into a door and stumbled backwards onto a rake which sprung up and hit him in the back of the head, pushing him face first into a wheelbarrow full of manure in the style of Biff Tannen from Back to the Future.

Tom Weeks became only the second RUASCC batsman to reach double figures before he was bowled for 13 and his departure meant Withers and Ashman had to see out eight more overs to earn a draw. Facing increasing tetchiness from the growing ring of close fielders the two ever-reliable blockers put together a painfully slow partnership against innocuous slow bowling – both men quietly wondering why Wargrave didn’t bring the quicks back on to finish the job.

Withers saw off the final over without difficulty and we finished the match just 80 runs behind.

RUASCC Highlight: Chan’s diving stops at short mid-off.

RUASCC Man of the Match: Jagesh.

RUASCC Team: Ward, Eagle (capt), Gehlot, Carpenter, Dip (wkt), Malde, Weeks, Stewart, Jagesh, Withers, Ashman

Braywood (A) – 29.7.12

Braywood 151-8 dec
Zia 4-19, Withers 3-43

RUASCC 92-6
Eagle 17 not out, Ward 16, Zia 16

Match drawn

Match drawn! Are there any two words more warming to the RUASCC soul? Seven hours in a wet field, two rain delays, a very decent tea and that glorious result: “match drawn”. We couldn’t quite reach 100 runs but it hardly matters - after two consecutive defeats we were back to drawing ways.

The pitch, we were told, had been under water the week before and with rain falling all morning it was a miracle the game got underway at all. Braywood won the toss and opted to bat with dark thunderclouds looming on three sides of the ground and we’d only managed three overs before we were forced off by a heavy shower. At the resumption Withers, who was having no luck bowling straight, was forced to rely on two half volleys way outside leg stump for his first two wickets – leading edges caught by Zia at mid-on and Jagesh at short fine-leg.

In fact, this was generally an encouraging bowling and fielding performance from RUASCC: Andy Ashman bowled his longest spell for a while (nine overs) and took one wicket thanks to a sharp catch at the wicket by Tom Weeks, while Pensioner Ken Stewart bowled eight overs for just 20 runs and took a good catch in the covers to give Withers his third wicket.

Braywood reached 118-4 and the course of the innings remained very much in the balance when Zia was introduced to bowl the 32nd over. Ten overs later the home side had added 31 runs for the loss of four wickets – all to Zia – thanks partly to catches from Ward and Withers on the leg-side boundary. At 5.15pm, with the fall of the eighth wicket, the declaration came.

Ward and Carpenter opened the innings, allowing Dr Eagle to drop down the order, and the two batsmen began cautiously on the wet pitch against slow, accurate bowling. Carpenter was bowled for nine to bring Zia in, but despite getting off the mark with a boundary the new batsman had every bit as much difficulty getting the ball away and the score ticked along at a little under three per over. Ward was next to go, then Zia was stumped dancing down the wicket before Malde followed almost immediately, caught at short leg. 44-1 had turned into 49-4 and RUASCC needed 103 to win in 20 overs with six wickets in hand, although a quick glance at the long tail suggested victory was unlikely.

Weeks hit seven before offering a simple return catch to the bowler and his dismissal brought Tranter to the crease to join Dr Eagle. These two men, the backbone of RUASCC in the 21st century, soon put an end to any thoughts we may have had about victory or, to be fair, defeat. Over the course of the next twelve overs the pair added 27 runs, six of them from one ball that Eagle long-armed over deep square leg, while those who were left in the pavilion relaxed, safe in the knowledge that we weren’t going to lose. However mind-numbingly tedious it may have seemed at the time.

But then, perhaps just to give the spectators something to cheer about, Tranter set off for a second run that Eagle didn’t want and was out by the length of the pitch. We couldn’t quite make out what was said between the two as Tranter left the field but someone thought they heard the word “cretin” hover in the air. Anyway, not to worry: Jagesh helped Eagle see out the last few overs and RUASCC finished nowhere near the target, but also nowhere near being bowled out. 92 runs in 41 overs – match drawn!

RUASCC Highlight: No, not really.

RUASCC Man of the Match: Zia

RUASCC Team: Ward, Carpenter, Zia, Eagle (capt), Malde, Weeks (wkt), Tranter, Jagesh, Stewart, Withers, Ashman

Peppard (A) – 15.7.12

RUASCC 127-9 dec
Ward 29, Dip 18

Peppard 128-5
Withers 3-51, Jagesh 1-16

RUASCC lost by 5 wickets

As everyone is well aware it had been raining constantly for six weeks leading up to this match and it certainly had an effect on the Peppard wicket which Dr Eagle referred to as being “worse than Highmoor” and “like a chocolate torte”. So you can imagine our delight when the skipper lost the toss and we were told to bat on it.

Openers Ward and Eagle were quick to notice that the ball wasn’t travelling well over the outfield, on the rare occasions that they got the damn thing off the square, so even when Wardy middled a couple of straight drives they still had to run threes. Dr Eagle refused to work in these conditions and got himself out, as did several more RUSACC batsmen - including Zia who was half-way through walking what should have been an easy leg bye when a fielder’s throw flew back over his head and hit the stumps at the non-striker’s end.

Ward showed impressive levels of concentration to reach 29 in 29 overs but following a change of bowling his eyes lit up and he chipped a dreadful long hop to square leg. Debutant Dale Partridge showed plenty of enthusiasm and a good eye as he made 10 but once he was dismissed RUASCC were eight wickets down with barely a hundred on the board. Jagesh gave it some welly in the last few overs, supported by the ever-watchful Withers, but when Tim Vines brought himself back on to give us some easy runs (deliberately, I mean) Jagesh slapped his first ball straight to mid-on and it was time for tea.

In the same fixture last year Peppard chased down a similar total for the loss of just two wickets with an imperious unbeaten half-century from opener Legg. Well, they dropped Legg for this match to give one of the youngsters a chance and as it turned out they almost gave RUASCC a chance too.

New boy Partridge was given the gloves and he got to use them straight away – Withers finding the edge with the fourth ball of the first over. Soon afterwards Jagesh somehow got one to spin through the gate for the second wicket before Withers followed that with a double wicket maiden, removing Vines for a duck three balls after Carpenter took a neat low catch at slip. Peppard were 16-4, Withers had 3-6 and suddenly we had a game on our hands.

Unfortunately RUASCC couldn’t turn that early dominance into more wickets. The two new batsmen stuck around, the sun shone, the ground dried out and conditions became easier for playing shots. Withers bowled another 11 overs without success and it was only when Zia reacted quickly to run out Chard Junior that we managed to break through.

As usual a couple of catching chances went down and Eagle told a few people to go and field at “sort of um… there-ish” but ultimately, mostly due to the squelchy conditions early on, we didn’t have enough runs to protect and Peppard reached the total with time to spare. Good tea though.

RUASCC Highlight: The opening burst from Withers (3-6 from 4 overs) that left Peppard struggling on 16-4.

RUASCC Man of the Match: In conditions that were decidedly anti-batsmen Mike Ward played a welcome and unusually patient innings.

RUASCC Team: Ward, Eagle (capt), Carpenter, Dip, Zia, Stewart, Tranter, Partridge (wkt), Withers, Jagesh, Ashman

Highmoor (A) – 24.6.12

RUASCC 74-9 declared
Baker 16, Law 14 not out

Highmoor 75-5
Waqar 3-38, Law 2-22

RUASCC lost by 5 wickets

Before we begin I should probably point out that I didn’t play in this game; in fact I wasn’t even there. I don’t say that to absolve myself of any of the blame for the hugely embarrassing and demoralising defeat (although it certainly helps) but rather to explain any factual inaccuracies that may potentially sneak into the report.

I arrived home on Sunday evening after a lovely weekend in Dorset and immediately asked Dr Eagle how the match had gone. He said it had gone badly. He said we lost the toss and we were bowled out for 74 on a wet, slow, sticky pitch with a puddle outside off stump. I was forced to agree that yes, it did indeed sound like it gone badly.

But it’s really only now, with the benefit of seeing the scorebook, that I can begin to understand the full crippling extent of the badness to which Dr Eagle was alluding. It looks, I have to say, very bad indeed. But then I suppose any team, even one with the strength in depth that RUASCC possesses, would struggle without the trio of Zia, Ward and Withers – you simply can’t replace sportsmen of that calibre.

That’s not to say there aren’t positives to be taken from the batting performance, and some of these statistics do give reason for optimism:

• Yes, we only scored 74 – but we managed it in just 48 overs! That’s an impressive run rate of more than 1.5 per over. 
• Not just one, not just two, but an incredible THREE partnerships got into double figures!
• We weren’t bowled out! Law and Ashman put together a beautifully crafted unbroken stand of nine before the rather sporting declaration.
• None of the opposition bowlers got a five-for. Yes, Guyan took 4-15 from 13 overs but that doesn’t get you on the honours board, does it.

There’s not much more to say about the scorecard except that with scores of 0, 1, 3, 16, 1, 14, 2, 7 and 2 RUASCC’s batsmen curiously managed to spell out the phone number of a car rental station in Kirkcaldy where Ken Stewart used to work as a toilet brush.

The home side certainly didn’t have it all their own way in the run chase as five batsmen fell to the opening pair of Waqar and Dave Law for a total of just nine runs. Waqar’s line and length bowling evidently proved difficult to get away while Law, playing in his first RUASCC game of the season, frequently touched 90mph in an 11-over spell of raw hostility. Which oddly included a stumping. But anyway, in the end RUASCC’s 74-9 proved to be not quite competitive enough, possibly 10-20 runs short of a decent total, and Highmoor sealed the victory in the 24th over.

RUASCC Highlight: Feeding the ducks in the pond outside off stump.

RUASCC Man of the Match: Might be going out on a limb here but I would suggest it was one of the bowlers.

RUASCC Team: Eagle (capt), Dersh, Carpenter, Baker, Dip (wkt), Chan, Law, Waqar, Tranter, Jagesh, Ashman

Farley Hill (A) – 17.6.12

Farley Hill 118 all out
Withers 3-14, Carpenter 2-8

RUASCC 119-6
Zia 33 not out, Dersh 18

RUASCC won by 4 wickets

Allow me to begin by apologising for the unacceptable delay in posting this match report. In my defence it’s taken me six weeks to get over the shock of RUASCC winning a cricket match.

Eagle made three good calls early on: he won the toss, he put the home side into bat and he gave the new ball to brothers Zia and Waqar who repaid his faith by conceding 46 runs in ten overs before Zia eventually stopped bowling his slower balls and removed Jalil for 17. Waqar removed the other opener in the very next over at which point Eagle took pity on the batting team and threw the ball to Withers.

But Withers, possibly affronted by being relegated to first change, unleashed the beast within and took a wicket in each of his first two overs (one bowled, one LBW). From 46-0 Farley Hill were now 58-4 and Withers, unplayable in this sort of form had 2-2.

Jagesh came on to replace Waqar and he too picked up a wicket, then Carpenter got in on the act, starting with two maidens before finding an edge to Dip and an LBW to leave Farley Hill 91-7. Jagesh grabbed his second of the day (another clean bowled) to finish with 2-22 before making way for Tranter who quickly settled into his line and length peppering the square leg umpire and any low-flying pigeons. But, as Eagle correctly predicted, the third legitimate ball of the over rapped the pads in front of middle stump and the ninth wicket went down.

A snarling Withers was brought back on to finish the job and he only needed two balls before Harvey slashed at a wide one and was brilliantly caught by Jagesh diving to his right at fly slip. 118 all out, and it was a decent performance from the well-honed, disciplined, athletic fielding unit.

The RUASCC response lacked fluency, and although the required run rate never became an issue the regular clatter of wickets was a worrying sight at times. Ward was first to go, mis-timing a drive to mid-on for 9, before Eagle was bowled for 15. Dersh and Carpenter added 29 but were both dismissed by Harvey to leave RUASCC 80-4 with sixteen overs remaining.

Zia and Dip put together the most important partnership, although a brutal drive from Zia nearly put an end to Umpire Sewell as the ball ricocheted off the stumps at the non-strikers end and hit the startled Professor squarely in the shoulder. Sewell was escorted from the pitch and encouraged to rest while Eagle went inside to fetch a cup of tea but, unable to find a teabag, Eagle instead returned with a Twix. At first Sewell was visibly unsettled by the shiny wrapper but, once inside, he was pleased with the parallel nature of the high-energy snack bars and wolfed them down, making a mental note to add them to his next Ocado shopping order.

Meanwhile on the pitch RUASCC passed 100 and so needed only 19 to win with ten overs remaining. Easy, you might think, but Dip was too eager to get the job done and got himself out with the score on 116. He was followed first ball by Turley but just when we were starting to wonder if we could pull off a most inexplicable collapse the winning run was given to us with a no ball.

Zia finished unbeaten on 33; Sewell finished slightly beaten but soon regained use of his legs.

RUASCC Highlight: Jagesh’s flying catch at fly slip.

RUASCC Man of the Match: Prof Sewell

RUASCC Team: Ward, Eagle (capt), Dersh, Carpenter, Zia, Dip (wkt), Turley, Waqar, Tranter, Jagesh, Withers

Wargrave (A) – 10.6.12

RUASCC 167 all out
Carpenter 47, Ward 20

Wargrave 168-5
Waqar 2-38, Jagesh 1-27

RUASCC lost by 5 wickets

We were promised rain, lots of rain – indeed we were led to believe that there was supposed to be some kind of monsoon on Sunday afternoon. Once we arrived in cool, grey, breezy Wargrave at 1.30pm we were expecting to either bat or bowl for a couple of hours and then call the whole thing off. But no, the rain didn’t come. And then we lost. I’ll never trust the BBC Weather website again.

Suspecting rain, the captains agreed a 35-over match and Eagle opted to bat first almost certainly hoping to reach 20 not out and boost the old average. A big swish across the line in the sixth over put an end to that as the skipper was bowled for 10. Carpenter got off the mark with a boundary and with opener Ward added 35 in six overs before the left-hander fell LBW to Moss in the youngster’s first over. When Chan was bowled second ball by Owen RUASCC were 59-3 but with Zia joining Carpenter at the crease there was still reason to be optimistic.

Zia creamed a straight four off Moss while Carpenter took a few more from the other end but with the partnership building nicely Zia (12) mistimed one straight to mid-on. Then Waqar (4) attempted an unlikely second run and was found wanting before the fall of the big wicket, Carpenter caught and bowled for 47. With 12 overs still to bat RUASCC were 105-6.

Waseem and Obaid added a useful 28, including the only six of the RUASCC innings, but both batsmen were dismissed in their attempts to force the pace against the slower bowlers. Jagesh and Withers were given the task of trying to push the score past 150 and they managed to achieve it in their own leisurely fashion before Jagesh skied a full toss to the wicketkeeper with four balls of the innings remaining. Dr Ashman contributed three runs from the first two deliveries before Withers finished things off nicely by first hitting a boundary and then by running out Dr Ashman.

With the rain still holding off the teams grabbed a quick tea and RUASCC were suddenly faced with the very real possibility of having to actually defend 167, a total that didn’t feel quite enough – slightly disappointing that of the five partnerships that reached 23 none got any higher than 35.

Withers sprayed it all over the place against the left-handed Drew and was despatched for 14 in one over – entirely the fault of the rain that didn’t arrive when it was supposed to – and was hauled off very quickly to be replaced by the dependable Waqar. The switch worked immediately as Drew was trapped LBW for 39 (from the opening stand of 48).

Zia struck soon after, then Waqar induced a false stroke from Davies but Withers dropped a fairly simple chance at long-on, something which wouldn’t have happened had we been forced back into the pavilion because of the rain that didn’t exist. A Malde stumping gave Waqar his second wicket and another inspired bowling change brought success in Jagesh’s first over: 74-4 in the 16th and the match was still in the balance.

Not for long though. 30 runs were added in the next five overs by Moss (a grown-up) and Woods (a small boy); 40 runs were added in the five overs after that. The batsmen were seeing it like a football, hugely aided by the excellent visibility provided by the lack of rain, and looked to be cruising to the victory total when a calling mix-up and quick work by Zia led to the senior partner being run out on 49. It proved only a temporary setback as Woods hit the winning boundary in the very next over. AND STILL THERE WAS NO RAIN!

So a second consecutive defeat and back home to the regular Sunday night job of putting the bins out. Took one step outside my front door and suddenly it’s pissing it down.

RUASCC Highlight: The lovely weather.

RUASCC Man of the Match: Carpo.

RUASCC Team: Ward, Eagle (capt), Carpenter, Malde (wkt), Zia, Waqar, Abbas, Obaid, Jagesh, Withers, Ashman

Tilehurst & Theale (A) – 27.5.12

Tilehurst & Theale 216-6
Zia 2-35, Waqar 2-43

RUASCC 211 all out
Dip 58, Eagle 32

RUASCC lost by 5 runs

Click here for the wonderful Tilehurst & Theale match report.  It’s The Boss.

After last year’s award winning* (*not really award winning) musical-based match reports it seems a new tradition has begun: any sports journalist wishing to describe the action in a RUASCC v Tilehurst & Theale match must be hamstrung by trying to shoehorn song titles into the write-up. This inevitably leads to tortured prose, exaggeration, outright lies and dreadful puns, but fortunately for the Keiwit Blog no one has yet been able to notice the difference. Anyway, to celebrate the return of the nerdy-piano-rock combo to the UK later this year, I have included in this report all 17 songs from the album Ben Folds Live. If you haven’t, you really should.

Part 1

On another very warm afternoon Eagle won the toss, took a long look at his batting line-up and decided to field first; Withers opened with a maiden and the home side were one down in the sixth over when Zia bowled White for 5. In the face of this formidable* (*not really formidable) bowling attack left-hander Cooke was struggling to get the drive working with the result that all his scoring shots were flying over the army of slip fielders. When a man was placed in a catching position at short third man Cooke tried to play a shot to the leg side instead, but the strain of doing so appeared to dislocate the young man’s shoulder and he was forced to retire hurt.

The score passed 50 before Withers eventually picked up a wicket, Zia taking the catch at mid-on, and when Jagesh bowled Puri in his third over Tilehurst were 75-3. This brought Osborn to the crease and it wasn’t long before we figured out his batting philosophy: hit it very hard and don’t run too much – the only problem was we couldn’t do anything to stop it.

Jagesh (1-32) was replaced by Dr Ashman and Osborn clearly decided he was going to rock this bitch* (*not really a bitch) as more punishing drives disappeared over the hedge and into the silver street beyond. Over the next very long hour Osborn and Blake added 100 runs in about 17 overs before Waqar removed them both. Waqar, this season’s leading wicket-taker, bowled 12 overs of consistent emaline and length in another highly impressive spell. After that there was just enough time for Zia to take his second wicket (a Dip stumping) as T&T finished on 216-6.

At this point the match sponsors would like to wish a very happy 25th wedding anniversary to Jane and Fred Jones.

Part 2

Eagle followed up his fifty at Greys with more runs, setting off at a decent pace as he comfortably outscored Ward in their opening partnership of 51. He did survive one chance when he cut straight to the man at gully (lending more weight to Wardy’s theory that Eagle is the luckiest batsman he’s ever seen) but neither looked in much trouble before Ward (18) dozed off in the middle of a pull shot and ended up chipping the ball straight to square leg. Then Eagle suffered a similar spell of narcolepsy while attempting a defensive stroke and was given LBW on the back leg for 32.

Carpenter once again looked in good touch before playing on for 18 and Zia hit two boundaries but was then caught in the covers for 8. Shortly afterwards Weeks was bowled for 9 but by now Dip was starting to play the sort of innings we know he’s capable of because he does it precisely once a year. From 100-5 he was supported by Waqar (14) and Jagesh (7) and the diminutive Dip was running the show, using his feet well like a tiny dancer and belting the ball to all parts of the boundary. He passed fifty with his eighth four but then on 58 he was bowled with RUASCC just 19 runs short of the target. He was one angry dwarf, and 200 solemn faces looked on from the boundary, aware that the last of the recognised batsmen was gone.

Tranter and Ashman pushed the score past 200 and RUASCC willed the partnership to carry on for just a couple more overs, especially Withers, bricking it at the prospect of having to bat. But with six runs still needed Tranter (14) found the man at extra cover when looking to hit over the top. I went to join Dr Ashman for the last polka, still intent on winning the game, but for one full over I did the best imitation of myself trying to bat out for a draw. With the field in tight and neither batsman able to get it off the square, eventually Ashman had to go for it but he belted the ball straight back to bowler Osborn who followed up his 77 runs with figures of 3-9 and the winning catch.

So after a very enjoyable weekend of cricket we played two full games in glorious sunshine, posted two scores of 200+ and didn’t win either of them. But we got more runs than Greys, and against Tilehurst we were only 5 runs away so that’s basically the same as two wins* (*not the same).

RUASCC Highlight: Ward took a very good catch running forward from mid-on, and let’s face it any RUASCC catch is worth celebrating.

RUASCC Man of the Match: Has to be shared between Waqar’s bowling and Dip’s batting.

RUASCC Team: Ward, Eagle (capt), Carpenter, Zia, Dip (wkt), Weeks, Waqar, Jagesh, Tranter, Ashman, Withers, Zak and Sara

Greys Green (A) – 26.5.12

RUASCC 219-6
Zia 103 not out, Eagle 51

Greys Green 188-7
Withers 4-57, Waqar 3-42

Match drawn

On a cloudless Saturday afternoon with the temperature in the mid-twenties there aren’t many places I’d rather be than Greys Green Cricket Club – great group of players, the games are always competitive and the ground isn’t too shabby either:

With several of our men running late due to last minute team changes (Waqar had to be drafted in at 1pm) we were asked to bat first when Eagle lost the toss again - a great result for this scorer/number 11 who rather fancied the idea of relaxing in the sun for a couple of hours while occasionally writing down some numbers.

RUASCC suffered a bit of a West-Indies-at-Trent-Bridge-2012 start to the innings, faltering to 66-4 on a decent batting track as opening bowler Ahmed removed Ward (15), Carpenter (5) and Malde (7) in his first eight overs. Dip went on the attack and hit four boundaries before he got carried away and played an injudicious drive off Skilleter to be caught at mid-off for 17. Fear not, though, because Captain “Boycs” Eagle was still there on 20 not out after 23 overs.

Fortunately the middle order staged a West-Indies-at-Trent-Bridge-2012 recovery. The first over after Zia’s arrival produced 15 runs and, with the bowlers becoming slightly less assured of their line and length, anything overpitched was dispatched with sickening ease. Eagle focused mainly on the scoring areas through gully and backward square leg as the pair added fifty in six overs to put the innings back on track.

There was a worrying moment when Eagle crumpled to the ground after a collision with Skilliter at the non-striker’s end. A crowd gathered round and umpire Chan, fearing a neck injury, asked if Eagle was able to move his feet. “Since when has Eagle ever been able to move his feet?” Dr Ashman didn’t say until a bit later.

Anyway, Eagle was soon upright and he survived a huge shout for caught behind by cleverly edging behind without the umpires noticing. And you know Eagle: he WILL walk if he thinks he’s edged it and he thinks it was caught and he thinks Sagittarius is passing through Venus on a Thursday morning and you can see the International Space Station from the Tower of Pisa.

Both batsmen passed fifty in consecutive balls of the 35th over but Eagle did eventually give himself out when he scooped Pat Sims’ first ball straight to cover. Thanks to that 90-run partnership the score was now a more respectable 156-5.

Greenhalf became Ahmed’s fourth victim, bowled for 2, but an exciting fifty stand between brothers Zia and Waqar took the score past 200. The declaration came as Zia swept the four that took him to his century - another superb knock that included three sixes and fourteen fours in just a little under 19 overs.

And the all-rounder didn’t get much of a rest because as soon as the scones had been devoured he was back out in the hot sun opening the bowling. This proved to be a struggle for everyone: the bowlers couldn’t make the breakthrough and the batsmen ambled along at three an over to eventually reach 51-0.

Left-hander Howse was called back after a stumping misunderstanding and also survived an edge behind off Withers that no one appealed, but his luck finally ran out when he tried to defend a Withers yorker that spun back onto his stumps. Waqar continued his fine wicket-taking form by bowling Holroyd just after the drinks break, at which point Greys still needed 155 in 18 overs.

They really set about it too, taking 80 from the next ten overs before Waqar switched ends and dismissed Cusden for 27. Still, with seven wickets in hand a Greys win looked a distinct possibility until Captain Eagle did the only thing you can do when looking for containment and/or wickets – he threw the ball back to Withers.

(I’m sorry, did you say Withers? Don’t you mean Zia? Withers, really? No, nothing it’s just… I’m sure you know what you’re doing.)

Well, after a couple of tight overs the required rate reached 12-per-over and the batsmen started playing across the line to straight deliveries. First Withers bowled opener Knight for a fine 79, then Waqar took the important wicket of Skilleter.

The match was saved and Withers began the final over needing to take just five wickets in six balls to win it! Shafqat was clean bowled with the first delivery but there was to be no miracle ending – only one more fell before stumps. That left Greys seven wickets down (all clean bowled) and 31 runs behind.

RUASCC Highlight: Playing cricket on such a perfect day, not losing and then having beer.

RUASCC Man of the Match: There could be a few candidates this week but for the unbeaten century followed by ten overs with economy of 2.7 – it’s Zia.

RUASCC Team: Ward, Eagle (capt), Carpenter, Malde, Dip (wkt), Zia, Greenhalf, Waqar, Tranter, Ashman, Withers

Shedfield (A) – 20.5.12

RUASCC 153 all out
Eagle 34, Abbas 25

Shedfield 83 all out
Waqar 3-5, Zia 3-29

RUASCC won by 70 runs

After three weeks of rain and cancellations the weather finally improved just enough for us to complete our first game of the season, a new fixture down in Shedfield (near Marwell Zoo, for reference). On inspection of the square it became apparent we would be playing on the astroturf strip, and RUASCC were asked to make first use of it when Eagle lost the toss.

Despite some comedy calling early on (Carpenter should have been run out first ball) runs came steadily in the first few overs as Eagle used the full width of his bat to “steer” the ball through the slip and gully region. Wides also made a significant contribution before Carpenter eventually gloved behind to bring the 49-run opening partnership to an end; two overs later Eagle, having hit six boundaries, was bowled by a quicker one for a confident 34.

But RUASCC soon recovered from this encouraging start and began to collapse in style. 76-2 became 107-7 as Dip (LBW for 1), Zia (run out by the wicketkeeper for 8) and debutant Turley (caught behind for 1) all departed quickly. Chan Malde (14) showed he’s been watching too much IPL when his attempted reverse-sweep spooned high in the air and practically landed on gully. Then Waqar (2) middled a pull straight to the man at mid-on and the innings looked all but over.

What happened next was quite disgraceful: Waseem Abbas, another young man playing his first game for the club, showed a complete lack of regard for self-destruction protocol and walloped a six over mid-on for his first RUASCC runs. Two fours and another six followed in a 36-run stand with Tranter, who contributed four singles, and we suddenly had a target to bowl at. Abbas was caught for 25 and Tranter bowled for seven leaving last pair Withers and Pensioner Ken Stewart at the crease.

It was all over too quickly, alas, as Withers tipped a ball into the leg side and, apparently forgetting who his partner was, confidently and decisively called for a quick single. Halfway down the track, realising he was the only one moving, he uttered an oath in the general direction of the non-striker and was hopelessly and embarrassingly run out for 0. 153 all out.

After tea (delivered from the pub across the road) the home side’s response stuttered as Withers, enjoying the extra bounce provided by the plastic pitch, took a wicket in his first over and Zia bowled the other opener to make it 16-2. A useful partnership of 31 followed but Zia regained control and removed both batsmen in the space of three overs, the latter thanks to a catch by Eagle protecting the long-on boundary after several shots aimed in that direction.

With 20 overs remaining Shedfield (one man short) needed 100 to win with five wickets in hand but were subsequently unable to put together another meaningful partnership. Waseem replaced Withers and bowled a useful spell down the hill but it was Waqar at the other end who bamboozled the middle order to finish with incredible figures of 3-5 from three overs (one bowled, one LBW, one caught & bowled).

Eager to finish off the match Eagle turned to the senior citizens. Ken Stewart (1-1) needed only one over to remove the last recognised batsman despite seeing two chances dropped (one by a very apologetic Waqar, one by entirely unapologetic run out victim Withers) and Tranter (1-0) needed only two balls to seal the win.

And thus RUASCC’s unbeaten start to the season extends until at least May 25th.

RUASCC Highlight: Waseem Abbas scoring his first runs for RUASCC with an enormous six over mid-on.

RUASCC Man of the Match: For top-scoring with 34 and holding on to a couple of important catches, it’s Dr Eagle.

RUASCC Team: Eagle (capt), Carpenter, Malde, Dip (wkt), Zia, Turley, Abbas, Waqar, Tranter, Stewart, Withers

Farley Hill (A) – 22.4.12

Farley Hill 157-8
Stewart 4-13, Waqar 2-29, Tranter 2-30

Match abandoned due to rain

In the first game of the 2012 season RUASCC’s senior bowlers grabbed a hatful of wickets before play was eventually abandoned at tea thanks to the wettest drought on record. No one who’d seen a weather forecast expected to complete this game but we started on time and in bright sunshine; Eagle won the toss in his first game as Club Captain and put the home side into bat.

Player of the Season Zia opened the bowling and for the first few overs looked exactly like a man who hadn’t managed to attend any of the net sessions, while Withers took the new ball at the other end seemingly well-rehearsed and already at his disappointing best. After 17 overs the Farley Hill openers had notched a fifty partnership and intermittent heavy showers made fielding conditions both difficult and unpleasant.

In an attempt to force the breakthrough skipper Eagle experimented with the field settings: at one point Tranter was asked to go “slippish” and later in the innings Withers spent a good amount of time in a position between long-on and long-off in a place that shall be referred to henceforth simply as “long”. But despite these innovations several chances went begging as balls were allowed to land in the spaces between fielders with no one really making an effort to get there. We are still RUASCC after all.

What Eagle eventually realised is that a RUASCC wicket is a nailed-on certainty once you take Withers off, and sure enough Waqar’s second delivery was hoiked straight to the captain who took the catch. By the time Zia had rediscovered the art of bowling maidens without taking wickets, he was replaced by Tranter who perhaps has the opposite problem. Eagle called it in Trant’s first over: “ball number four will be a wicket”, and it was, as the batsman went walkabout and Dip completed the stumping.

Opening batsman Ali had scored the bulk of the runs and he was on 64 when Waqar bowled him – an important wicket that exposed the less assured middle order to the twin threat of Tranter and Ken Stewart, playing in his first game since the bungee jumping accident that left him four feet tall and Scottish. Tranter went from the ridiculous (one delivery went backwards) to the sublime (another plumb LBW to add to his collection) to finish with 2-30 and Farley Hill could find no answer to Ken’s left arm ankle-biters. Starved of pace and predictable bounce, the batsmen charged down the wicket and swung at thin air giving Dip two stumpings and Stewart final figures of 4-13, his best since July 1921.

With the fall of the eighth wicket the home side declared, but before the first egg sandwich had been consumed the heavens opened and the downpour proved terminal for the already stodgy pitch. Despite a subsequent spell of bright sunshine there was no chance of further play and we all had to make do with a drink in the bar.

RUASCC Highlight: Chan’s incredible diving stop at square leg.

RUASCC Man of the Match: It hurts, it really hurts, but it has to be Pensioner Ken.

RUASCC Team: Eagle (capt), Dersh, Carpenter, Malde, Gehlot, Dip (wkt), Zia, Waqar, Withers, Tranter, Stewart