Englefield Photos - 2.5.11

Many thanks to Dr Eagle for providing these photos of the match at Englefield on 2nd May 2011.

The pitch is set in the deer park in the grounds of the Englefield Estate.


With the scoreboard showing 6-1 (Eagle bowled for 0) Carpenter strides down the wicket to explain to his new partner exactly what Eagle did wrong.


Baker and Carpenter added 72 runs for the second wicket before giving their wickets away like Sri Lankans in Cardiff.


OK so we ended up losing by 8 wickets and suffering severe wind burn, but isn't it lovely and pretty.

Ken Stewart – A Birthday Message

No match for RUASCC over the bank holiday so I thought it might be a nice opportunity to offer this birthday tribute to Pensioner Ken Stewart, who, if his luck’s in, will turn 72 this week.

I apologise now for any factual errors and omissions in the narrative which are entirely caused by the fact that I only met him for the first time last year.

* * * * * * *

Early Life

Like the Second World War, Ken Stewart began in 1939. And like the Second World War, Ken Stewart has caused misery to thousands of grieving widows all over London Town.

Born in Scotland at a young age, Baby Ken was used successfully to scare the Nazis away from Hadrian’s Wall. His achievements were the inspiration behind the Hitchcock horror The Wee Thing which was deservedly a massive failure. The child star was given a single penny for his share of the royalties which he kept in a sock underneath his pillow until long after the sock was worth more than the penny.

As a child Ken was raised on a diet of tripe and asbestos which he watered down with condensation sucked from lampposts and parked bicycles, giving him the robust constitution which serves him well to this day.

The Middle Ages

At the tender age of 14 Ken built his first house out of maize. His vulnerable new home was soon threatened by a big bad wolf who huffed and puffed but soon realised he didn’t huff and puff as much as Ken does. Eventually they declared a truce and went into business selling pork products. Tiring of the business world Ken joined the Merchant Navy where he was employed primarily as an anchor.

A keen footballer until the age of 65, Ken was distraught when he realised he was no longer fit enough to play at exactly the same time he became entitled to cheaper bus fares to get to the games.

“Cricket”

Ken has enjoyed an exceptional cricketing career as a left-arm donkey dropper and right-hand number ten stodge-bucket.

In February 1979, a few months before Ken’s 40th birthday, I was born at the Royal Berkshire Hospital in Reading, setting off a chain of events that would eventually lead to me calling him a useless, miserable, short-arsed tosser in the summer of 2010. After joining RUASCC at the age of 70 he soon won the Young Player of the Year Award after a match-saving 46 not out against Britwell Salome that he simply will not shut the fuck up about.

With senility now well and truly settling in, Ken is becoming more forgetful and also more forgetful. He lost a brand new sweater during a match earlier this season but to his credit he rarely ever mentions it.

On 22nd May 2011 Ken made a diving stop at short mid-wicket from which his friends feared he may never recover. He is now heading for a well-deserved period of rest and recuperation at his golf course in Spain, giving us all a very welcome break from his incessant whinging.

Happy Birthday Kenny.

Tilehurst & Theale (A) – 22.5.11

Tilehurst & Theale 219-4 dec
Main 2-57, Zia 2-72

RUASCC 223-2
Zia 90 not out, Ward 69 not out

RUASCC won by 8 wickets.

For the third consecutive match RUASCC turned up with only ten players and were again fortunate to be offered the services of a young boy. (I feel I could have phrased that better but time is pressing.) Eagle stood in as skipper and probably would have fielded had he won the toss, but he lost the toss and we ended up fielding anyway so that’s all right then.

I won’t dwell too long on the T&T innings even though it felt at the time like it would never end. Using their full 44 overs the home side reached 219-4 at tea including a partnership of 152 for the third wicket. Zia bowled 19 overs, Main bowled 13 overs; each took two wickets, but there was so much time in between when all the fielders seemed to do was chase the ball to the boundary.

A force eight gale blew relentlessly around the ground and on a cricket field there’s nowhere to hide. The bails flew off repeatedly, batsmen frequently had to chase after their hats and bowlers who wanted to hit the stumps realised they had to aim for the square leg umpire - it left many of us wondering whether wind has ever stopped play.

RUASCC did well to restrict the runs in the last ten overs, during which time Main trapped Ali LBW for 72 and Zia enticed Wigmore (109) down the pitch just enough for Dip to complete the stumping. The two new batsmen couldn’t get going and the innings rather petered out.

RUASCC need 220 runs to win in 41 overs.

First over. Eagle. Maiden.

Keeping his place as opener, Carpenter’s first ball was a leg side full toss and it disappeared for four as the albino Sehwag set off like a train. He found the boundary three times and had scored 18 out of a total of 22 when he tried to pull a ball that didn’t get up and was clean bowled. Shortly afterwards Eagle worked a textbook four over gully but then an equally textbook edge to second slip ended his day on five.

This brought Ward and Zia together at 32-2 in the ninth over. Most would agree that there was still a bit of work to do at this point, and considering RUASCC’s collapse the previous day it seemed wise for numbers five, six, seven, eight and nine to get padded up just in case - but over after over passed and no wickets fell. Some produced only one or two singles (and several leg byes) but the majority went for a run a ball or more and the two batsmen settled in for the long haul.

Ward, who had only batted twice this season scoring a total of 15 runs, thumped a massive six into the hedge at mid-wicket and the score passed 100 in just the 18th over. Zia, already in decent form going into the match, carried on where he left off against Greys, using his feet well to drive and pulling anything worth pulling for four. Having reached his first fifty of the season Zia was lucky to escape when he was dropped not once, not twice, but three times when he offered chances that any RUASCC fielder would easily have also dropped.

Ward nudged plenty of leg side singles and then brought up his own fifty by calmly sweeping a full toss down to the fine leg boundary. By the 30th over fewer than fifty runs were needed and this time RUASCC weren’t about to ruin it. A wide from Osborn brought up the 200 in another over costing ten runs and it was fitting that each batsman hit one more boundary in the 39th over when a full toss was thumped over mid-wicket by Zia to finish the match. The pair had added 191 runs in 30 overs while Dip, Tom Weeks and Bruce Main sat padded up, sheltering from the wind as best they could, unable to believe what they were seeing. A quite remarkable performance and a resounding win by eight wickets with two overs to spare.

RUASCC Highlight: The sensational unbroken 191 stand for the third wicket – the highest I’ve seen in my time with the club.

RUASCC Man of the Match: Scoring 69 not out will usually win you this award, but not when your teammate scores 90 not out having already bowled 19 economical overs. Nice try Wardy, but it’s Zia again.

Zia’s Weekend Stats: 122 unbeaten runs in two innings with figures of 7-111 from 32 overs. And a catch. Zia’s batting average so far this season is 111.5.

RUASCC Team: Eagle (capt), Carpenter, Ward, Zia, Dip (wkt), Weeks, Main, Blake, Stewart, Ashman, Withers

Greys Green (A) - 21.5.11

Greys Green 181-6 dec.
Zia 5-39, Withers 1-42

RUASCC 167 all out
Carpenter 35, Malde 35

RUASCC lost by 14 runs.

Right, there are two match reports to write this weekend so let’s get this one over with shall we.

When ten-man RUASCC won the toss for the fourth time in five matches, Tranter stuck the home side in to bat and plugged the Patel-shaped hole in our field with local boy Harry Sims. Withers and Greenhalf opened the bowling and there was very little drama in the first hour of play; in fact, typically, it was only when Zia came on that the wickets started tumbling. In his very first over he induced some indecisiveness from Cross and the batsman played on to his stumps for 16. 52-1.

Withers piled on the pressure with consecutive maidens but again selflessly left the glory to his teammates, this week allowing Zia to rip through the top order as Greys collapsed from 76-1 to 82-5. First Holroyd was caught behind for 19 then three ducks followed (two bowled, one catch by Greenhalf at mid-on). With 30 overs gone Greys were 86-5; Withers had bowled 15 overs for 26 runs and Zia had 5-22.

Sensing the need to up the run rate, opener Mo Shafqat targeted the change bowlers as Jagesh (0-23), Ashman (0-20) and Tranter (0-19) tried without success to dislodge him. He was well supported by Howse, batting with a runner, who contributed a useful unbeaten 33 to the sixth wicket stand.

Withers returned to bowl the final over before tea and his tidy figures took some hammer as Shafqat hit a six and four to move to 98, but Withers was finally rewarded on the final ball of the innings when Shafqat skied his shot to Zia at mid-off who took the catch. Greys 181-6.

RUASCC need 182 runs to win.

With only half a batting line up to speak of the onus was on the top five to get runs and, to be fair, they all did.

After the obligatory opening maiden to Eagle the RUASCC reply got off to a decent start as Carpenter cleared the short leg side boundary as early as the fourth over. Eagle hit two fours in succession off the left-arm seamer before Carpenter launched another maximum. The fifty partnership came up in the eleventh over and all was going swimmingly until Carpenter dabbed the ball to cover point and immediately set off for a single which Eagle enthusiastically refused. Poor Carpenter, run out for 35, stormed back to the pavilion whereupon he fashioned a wax doll of Dr Eagle and stuck pins in its elbow.

At number three, giving batting another try, was Andy Greenhalf fresh from his two golden ducks on the last bank holiday weekend. A massive cheer greeted his survival of the first ball after which he belted his second ball for four. Meanwhile Dr Eagle was accumulating nicely despite some unexplained elbow pain but a moment of indecision against Cusden resulted in him being bowled despite going both forward and back to the delivery. Greenhalf was getting into the groove and he hit a six and a four to reach 20 before another meaty swipe picked out the man on the boundary at long off. RUASCC were 90-3 and needed 92 more to win in 18 overs.

For the next half an hour the win looked not only possible but extremely likely. Chan and Zia added runs at the required rate, neither looking in any difficulty, and Chan brought up the fifty stand with a six over everyone’s favourite short boundary – but very next ball he was gone for 35 when a similar shot went awry and was caught at the third attempt by the relieved bowler.

Needing fewer than 40 runs to win with six wickets in hand it should still have been a stroll, but with pensioner Ken Stewart batting at six there was a dangerously long tail and once Greys got into it the complexion of the game completely changed. Stewart, Tranter and Sims were all bowled for golden ducks, Ashman was run out without facing a ball and when the usually reliable Withers was bowled through the gate by Shafqat the match was over.

From 143-3 RUASCC lost their last seven wickets in five overs for 23 runs – and Zia (stranded on 32 not out) made 21 of those - as RUASCC slipped from a position of superiority to a 14-run defeat.

Still, it’s all a bit of fun isn’t it.

RUASCC Highlight: The sixes hit over the short mid-wicket boundary – Carpo, Greenhalf and Chan all got in on the act.

RUASCC Man of the Match: It’s Zia again. After taking a five wicket haul he would almost certainly have won the game with the bat had he not run out of partners. Honourable mention too for Chan who made 35 and kept wicket very tidily indeed.

RUASCC Team: Eagle, Carpenter, Greenhalf, Malde (wkt), Zia, Stewart, Tranter (capt), Jagesh, Sims, Ashman, Withers

Apologies: Dip Patel, Dersh Patel

Southampton Academicals (A) – 14.5.11

Southampton 184-8 dec
Main 3-16, Withers 2-59

RUASCC 117-3
Main 34, Carpenter 32 not out

Match drawn.

All three of RUASCC’s proposed fixtures against Southampton were cancelled last season, but despite the novelty of the occasion we could only get 10 players to travel down the M3. Tranter won the toss and put Southampton in to bat on a decent track and our hosts were kind enough to lend us the extra fielder, a gesture which proved invaluable as it disproportionately improved the overall quality of our fielding. The sun shone intermittently through the clouds and it would have been a nice day were it not for the wind: a biting, chilling, relentlessly abusive onslaught that seemed to strip one’s flesh from the bones.

Withers toiled bravely into this wind without success, all the time loosening the jam jar for Main who greedily helped himself to the first three wickets. The first wicket came when a mis-timed pull sent a simple catch towards mid-wicket, who we only noticed happened to be our guest fielder when he didn’t drop it. The next two wickets fell quickly (one bowled, one LBW) but just as Main looked as if he might rip through the entire team he was forced to a halt by general wear and tear and had to make do with the impressive figures of 3-16 from seven overs. He had been denied a fourth wicket by a dropped slip catch (Carpenter), the start of a fascinating two-hour episode of “How Not to Catch” which included Dip and Tranter spilling chances off Withers, Tranter dropping one from his own bowling and Jagesh putting one down at mid-on from a batsman who only ever hit it straight to mid-on.

Withers did eventually get a wicket when a thin edge found its way to the keeper and Dip held on, whereupon the local villagers dug out the old bunting, grabbed some quiche and started up a spontaneous street party in our honour. With Southampton on 53-4 the home side’s hopes rested on Shibasis who was in full 20-20 mode swinging at pretty much everything and getting plenty of thick edges to the boundary. He reached his fifty out of a score of 75-4 and moved onto 68 before he pulled a short one from Dr Ashman (1-32) straight to Main at deep square leg and RUASCC’s most reliable fielder made no mistake.

That really should have been that for the Southampton innings but somehow it kept going. Walking fossil Ken Stewart came into the “attack” and bought himself a wicket thanks to another catch from another substitute fielder at mid-wicket before Withers returned to remove the Southampton captain - Main taking a tumbling catch in the covers. There was time for one more wicket as Jagesh refused a catch at mid-off but instead threw down the stumps at the non-striker’s end as the same batsman struggled to pinch a single. After 36 overs Southampton declared on 184-8.

RUASCC need 185 runs to win

The reply began in cautious fashion as the opening bowler achieved what RUASCC hadn’t managed all afternoon: a maiden over. Several more followed as Ward and Eagle played themselves in but then in the tenth over, with score on 21, Ward attempted an expansive drive and dragged onto his stumps for nine. Dip came in at three, played a glorious drive through the covers for four but soon fell LBW for six.

The cause was further impeded by a sudden injury to Eagle who was rendered useless by leg cramp and had to leave the field. In a line-up of ten players featuring only four recognised batsmen we could barely afford to spare one, and the sight of Bruce Main coming in at number five did little to reassure the rest of us.

Having scored just 33 runs in the first 15 overs it seemed unlikely that RUASCC would find the other 152 in the final 20, but Main gave it a pretty good go. After he took 16 from one over with four punishing boundaries Carpenter began the next with two fours of his own and Main added another as the pair reached their fifty partnership and brought the required run rate to less than ten an over for the first time in what seemed like years.

When Main (34) was bowled by Shibasis, Eagle returned to the crease simply to annoy Stewart who was scheduled to be next in. However, hampered by an elbow injury he was unable to add to his score and retired hurt again with the score at 100-3. This possibly makes Eagle the first RUASCC batsman to retire hurt twice in an innings with two separate injuries but both times on the same score: 12 not out.

As the clock passed 7pm, the light remained good but the air grew cooler and the wind grew stronger. With the draw now certain, the RUASCC team, huddled up by the boundary rope freezing their knackers off, prayed for a drop of rain, an airstrike – anything to finish the game so we could all go home.

Carpenter (32 not out) and Stewart (3 not out) rattled along at one run per over for the last half hour until eventually another pointless single at the end of the 35th brought the desperate, mind-numbing misery to its inevitably tedious conclusion.

RUASCC Highlight: The moment Tranter spotted a fox on the far side of the pitch but it turned out to be small grey dog.

RUASCC Man of the Match: Bruce Main – took three wickets, two catches and top scored with a blistering 34. The only competition was from the substitute fielders.

RUASCC Team: Ward, Eagle, Dip (wkt), Carpenter, Main, Stewart, Withers, Jagesh, Tranter (capt) Ashman

Englefield (A) – 2.5.11

RUASCC 226-9
Malde 62, Zia 45

Englefield 227-2
Carpenter 1-16, Zia 1-27

RUASCC lost by 8 wickets

RUASCC headed to the picture-perfect setting of Englefield Cricket Club for their second game of the weekend with seven of the same players who earned the draw against Blewbury the day before. It was a bright, sunny day and from inside the car everything looked wonderful – until you got out into the open and a force-eight gale took your breath away. We felt for poor pensioner Ken Stewart who is especially susceptible to draughts.

Thanks to some endearingly eccentric timekeeping from Withers, a handful of players arrived at the ground only just in time to see Eagle and Carpenter striding out to the middle to open the batting. Forty seconds later and we would have missed Eagle striding back again having been bowled by the second ball of the match.

From this inauspicious start some quick runs followed. Baker, making his first appearance of 2011, got off the mark with a boundary and both he and Carpenter tucked into anything short or wide. The fifty partnership came up in the ninth over and the pair were coasting when Carpenter chipped up to mid-on from a fairly weak delivery and was caught for 23.

Zia, bearing the bruises from his innings the day before, set off in his usual fashion but before long he lost his partner as Baker, on 43, cut straight to cover when looking set for a big score. RUASCC were 92-3 after 16 overs and another fine partnership followed with Zia and Malde at the crease. Englefield rotated their bowlers with several young kids getting involved so Chan did the only decent thing and dispatched them over the mid-wicket fence at regular intervals. But with two batsmen looking set and averaging ten runs per over, another wicket was given away: Zia this time directed a thick edge straight to gully on 45.

Greenhalf came in at number six on the back of a golden duck at Blewbury and he instantly banished the memory of that failure by doing exactly the same thing again. He was cleaned up first ball by Deacon who was then denied his hatrick by Adam Seymour edging two runs through the slips. Seymour went on to play an important part in a 55-run stand during which Chan reached a fifty including two sixes and seven fours. Eventually Seymour was bowled for 11 and his wicket prompted a collapse that saw RUASCC go from 196-5 to 213-9. Chan edged behind for 62 attempting the Dilscoop, Jagesh went lbw attempting something equally extravagant and Dr Ashman was bowled for 0 going for a big shot that was definitely there to be hit.

This brought together the rather desperate pairing of Pensioner Ken Stewart and specialist nightwatchman Keith Withers with three overs remaining. Predictably nothing much happened for a while but Withers clubbed two fours in the final over to drag the total up to 226-9 at tea.

Englefield need 227 runs to win

Fans of the cricket world cup will remember the quarter final when England posted 229 against Sri Lanka and thought they might have just done enough - then lost by ten wickets. Well, RUASCC lost this one by eight but it was equally convincing. The home side reached 105-0 after the first 20 overs then even after Zia did get a slightly dubious lbw decision the next pair added 65 largely due to opening batsman Samad who raced to a ton.

Carpenter brought himself on and took a wicket with his first ball – Eagle taking a good low catch at short mid-wicket – but by then Englefield only needed 37 to win with plenty of overs to spare. By the end Samad was seeing the ball like a hot air balloon, thumping it to every part of the boundary off every bowler, and finished unbeaten on 130. When only six runs were needed, Malde came on to bowl and four balls later it was all over.

So after three games that’s one win, one draw and one defeat for RUASCC in 2011, and despite the results this was an enjoyable weekend of cricket. Not a bad effort from a group of players who are barely fit enough to play one game a week, let alone two.

RUASCC Man of the Match: Split between Johnny Baker and Chan Malde – both batted and fielded well, Baker with the gloves and Chan at cover point.

RUASCC Team: Eagle, Carpenter (capt), Baker (wkt), Zia, Chan, Greenhalf, Seymour, Stewart, Jagesh, Ashman, Withers

RUASCC Worrying Bowling Stat: In two matches RUASCC bowled 74.4 overs and took only six wickets (including one run out) for 448 runs. That gives an “economy” rate of exactly a run a ball and hence both a bowling average and a strike rate of 74.67.

Blewbury (A) – 1.5.11

Blewbury 221-4 dec
Zia 2-57, Main 1-41

RUASCC 191-7
Carpenter 65, Zia 48

Match drawn.

The annual trip to Blewbury is always an enjoyable one despite RUASCC’s dreadful record at the ground - it’s the sort of place where you can turn up at 2pm and the home skipper is enjoying his fourth can of Red Stripe before the coin is even tossed. Two years ago the whole team were in the middle of a weekend-long stag do and they still won by eight wickets despite most of them not having slept the night before.

We were told in advance that the match would be played on a brand new astroturf strip which didn’t seem like great news for the bowlers. The predictable bounce and lack of sideways movement off the carpet makes a batsman’s job a lot easier and as it turned out the artificial wicket produced 412 runs in 70 overs and, ultimately, a draw.

RUASCC’s hopes of not losing the match were boosted when Blewbury won the toss and opted to bat first. In a timed game the team batting second always has the option of shutting up shop and playing for the draw if the run chase doesn’t look on, and taking all ten wickets on an astroturf pitch takes some doing, even against RUASCC.

Withers and Main began tidily and Blewbury were 14-1 in the sixth over when Main trapped Fish lbw (yes, I know). That’s about when things stopped going well for RUASCC as the second wicket pair put on 105 in 20 overs, helped in part by some charitably inept fielding. First Main put down a chance off his own bowling then debutant Muhammed failed to cling on at mid-off, but worse was to come when a dreadful miscue came down just off the square without a single fielder making a positive move towards it.

Unlikely as it sounds, it was a brilliant piece of fielding that eventually ran out Grist for 49 as Main threw superbly from the long off boundary. In the next over Zia clean bowled the new batsman and RUASCC were suddenly threatening a comeback. Unfortunately Southwell was in full swing and in just eight overs Blewbury added another 80 runs for the fourth wicket. The dry, bumpy outfield provided a convenient excuse for some dreadful ground fielding and a lot of heads seemed to go down during this passage of play. It was a relief when Zia took a simple return catch to remove Ainsworth for 27.

Can I just say what a pleasure it is to be writing this report with the scorebook next to me – for once I don’t have to pluck the numbers from my own addled memory.

Pensioner Ken Stewart bowled the final over of the innings and Southwell, on 97, lofted the first delivery high in the air towards Withers on the mid-wicket boundary but he somehow managed to drop it because he’s a useless twat. Southwell reached his century two balls later, the over ended up costing 14 and Blewbury declared on 221-4 at tea.

RUASCC need 222 runs to win

With Ward missing due to injury, Eagle and Carpenter opened the batting and raced along to 28-0 after four overs thanks to nicely placed byes. However, two wickets in two balls threatened to derail the innings as Eagle (4) and Greenhalf (0) were bowled in near-identical fashion. Zia survived the hatrick ball and the fun began as 86 runs were added in the next ten overs. Clearly enjoying some short bowling on the flat wicket, Carpenter brutally cut and pulled and raced to fifty with his eleventh boundary. While the partnership lasted RUASCC were favourites to win the match, but on 65 Carpenter miscued a pull shot and the grateful wicketkeeper simply had to wait for the ball to drop into his gloves.

Zia continued to accumulate despite being hampered by an absence of stamina, and with Dip also suffering with the aches and pains of a wicketkeeper there was a distinct lack of urgency between the wickets as the pair added another 34 walks. Zia had one lucky escape when the Blewbury captain misjudged a high catch in a rather RUASCC-like manner and wore it on the sternum – you could hear the thud all around the ground. The tide turned again when Zia missed a straight one on 48 and Muhammed’s first ball as a RUASCC batsman saw him clean bowled. For the second time in the innings there was a hatrick ball to defend and this time it was Bruce Main who held firm. At 148-5 the win was looking less likely and when Dip (14) was bowled by a beauty from Southwell the run chase was formally off the table. Some of RUASCC’s batting was making the pristine artificial wicket look like the fourth day at Headingly after a rain break.

To Trant’s obvious dismay Main still had time for a bit of a swing and he hit three fours on his way to 19 before he tried to hook a short ball and mimicked Carpenter’s earlier dismissal. With 39 needed from three overs, Tranter and Stewart (combined age of 131) had little to do but seal the draw. In the final over, Trant even had a good bold swipe for four down the ground, an act of pure hypocrisy that many in the RUASCC ranks will take a long time to forget.

RUASCC Highlight: Bruce’s excellent throw for the run out that finally ended the second wicket stand.

RUASCC Man of the Match: Ian Carpenter for his exhilarating innings of 65.

RUASCC Team: Eagle, Carpenter, Greenhalf, Zia, Dip (wkt), Muhammed, Main, Stewart, Tranter (capt), Ashman, Withers

Keiwit Match Stats: Wickets 0; Runs 0; Catches 0