Greys Green (A) – 23.5.15

RUASCC 158-9 (all out)

Daman Singh 62, Zia 45, Greenhalf 25

Greys Green 118-5

Zia 2-26, Saad 1-22, Raqib 1-33

Match drawn

It looks like I owe someone an apology.

It’s time to stand up and admit that I was wrong.  I doubted.  Last July I refused to believe sworn testimony, first-hand accounts from people I would normally trust.  In these very pages I have mocked, unashamedly failing to hide my unfounded scepticism, and now is the time to make things right.  Serve me a piece of that humble pie my good man, and top it with extra cream.  I was wrong.  Put it on a t-shirt, I deserve to wear it.

Daman, I’m sorry.  They told me you scored 59 against Peppard and I dismissed the whole match as merely the concoction of a fragile imagination.  As recently as October, in my review of the season, I scoffed and said I’d never seen you bat for very long (which was true).  Cynicism is an unattractive quality.  I was a half-century denier.

Not anymore.  Now I’ve seen wonders with my own eyes and I’m converted like Saul on the Damascus road.  I will preach to all who care to listen that I saw Daman score a fifty.  I was a witness to The Miracle of Greys Green.

In the absence of realistic alternatives Daman opened the batting with Eagle and, like so many others before him, soon found himself batting without Eagle.  It was by no means a fluent start: a streaky four over the slips to get off the mark and a chance dropped at mid-off that was worthy of RUASCC, but Daman soon displayed a level of defensive application and a confidence in uppish driving that made a mockery of the record books.

I never thought I’d be writing this but Daman was the backbone of the RUASCC innings, and after his dismissal the whole thing fell apart.  Daman, Zia and Greenhalf between them contributed 132 runs to the rather meagre total of 158, with opening bowler Ahmed taking six wickets for the home side and the last five wickets falling for just nine runs.  Against a typical RUASCC attack that might not have been enough, but we had a couple of Saads on our side.

Saad 2 (a guest of Saad 1) proved to be a bit useful: with the ball he’s every bit as quick as Saad 1, and with the keeper’s gloves he stood right up to Saad 1 seemingly completely at ease.  Between them they kept the run rate under control though wickets proved hard to come by.  A fantastic chase and throw from Jagesh saw Mo run out first ball attempting a risky second, but half way through the Greys innings all three results were still possible.  With Skilliter at the crease Greys were perhaps favourites but Zia bowled him for 46 to ensure the game petered out into a draw.

There are those who’ll say it isn’t worth playing a game for seven hours only to end up with no result.  There are those who think we’re all wasting our time.  But for Daman, and those who were there watching as he reached his second RUASCC fifty, this was a day we will never forget.  And henceforth I promise to be far less cynical about reports of the achievements of others.

Oh except that nonsense about Eagle scoring a century, obviously.  I’m not a complete idiot.

RUASCC Highlight: The run out – a great piece of work from Jagesh and Saad 2.

RUASCC Man of the Match:  Well, Zia scored 45 and took a couple of wickets, but I can’t give this to anyone except Daman.

RUASCC Team:  Eagle (capt), D. Singh, S. Raqib (wkt), Zia, Greenhalf (wkt), Saad, Tranter, Jagesh, Ashman, Withers

Crazies Hill (A) - 17.5.15

RUASCC 218-4 dec.

J. Singh 66 not out, Saad 51 not out, Zia 39

Crazies Hill 137 all out

Yasir 2-13, Saad 2-19, Green 2-20

RUASCC won by 81 runs

A third consecutive RUASCC win and we owe it all to the persistence and sheer bloody-mindedness of our captain Andy Eagle.  Not for anything he did on the pitch, obviously, but for the fact we had a game at all.  Another midweek cancellation led to another 48-hour dash to find some opposition and somehow hold a team together under wildly fluctuating circumstances.  At various stages we were heading to Middlesex on Saturday, Newbury on Sunday, to the moon at midnight – and eventually we all ended up here somewhere near Wargrave and we’re all very glad we did.

As the name suggests the ground is on a hill with mental health issues and you get some lovely views of other, presumably less insane, hills and trees and fields and horses and things like that.  The pavilion is essentially a large partitioned shed with no furniture save for an old sofa in the corner of the changing room, but what a perfect place to play cricket!  And only ten minutes from my house!

Eagle won the toss and decided to have first dig, sensing his usual reticence to bat seemed to be far outweighed by the insecurities of the home side.  In truth the team he’d cobbled together looked on paper to be more than up to the job and so it proved over the next two and half hours.

Eagle himself set the tone with an uncommonly attacking innings of 24 including five boundaries (not all backward of point) while Murphy deposited the new ball over the hedge at square leg never to be seen again.  Next up Jas Singh and Zia added 67 in nine overs and Jas reached yet another RUASCC fifty.  After a couple of quick wickets he was joined by Saad and the pair rapidly added 74 before both opted to retire to give someone else a go.  A couple of overs later Eagle called time on the innings, with four RUASCC batsmen unbeaten.  218-4.

Having begun the match as a sub fielder for the understrength hosts Andy Ashman was soon appointed to play for them, and following what must have been a rigorous assessment of their new recruit they didn’t call on him to bowl but instead asked The Good Doctor to bat at number four.  It wasn’t long before Ashman headed to the crease as Withers quickly picked up the first two wickets, including his 250^th for the club and another textbook in-swinger to bowl a left-hander through the gate.

There followed a couple of overs of high drama as the entirely stoppable force of Withers met the fairly moveable wall of Dr Ashman, but the batsman survived and even flicked a boundary down to fine leg to trigger the first change of bowling.  It was left to newcomer Rich Green, playing only his second game for RUASCC, to break through Ashman’s resistance and put an end to a promising innings of seven.

The Crazies middle order recovered well with the highlight being a young left-hander, batting with his dad, who wanted to hit everything over mid-wicket and frequently managed it.  He was bowled by Waqar straight after the drinks break but with the overs running out to take all nine wickets Eagle started to worry that the win might be slipping away.  So he called on Saad.

Word of Saad’s pace clearly hadn’t reached this part of Berkshire and it was to the astonishment of the four slip fielders (edging back as far as they felt able to get away with) that the lower order batsmen shunned the use of helmets.  To be fair they didn’t really need them – the greatest risk would have been from flying bails.  Two wickets saw us almost over the line before debutant Yasir finished the job thanks to a diving one-handed catch by Daman Singh at short extra cover.  The unfortunate young batsman was just two deliveries away from winning a £20 wager, but there’s no room for sentiment or mercy as the RUASCC juggernaut thunders on.

RUASCC Highlight:  Daman’s one-handed catch to win the game.

RUASCC Man of the Match:  Saad.

RUASCC Team:  Eagle (capt), Murphy, J. Singh, Zia, Dip (wkt), Saad, Green, Waqar, D. Singh, Yasir, Withers

Stoke Green (A) – 10.5.15

Stoke Green 145 all out (31.2 overs)

Main 4-8, Daman Singh 3-44, Withers 2-48

RUASCC 147-9 (35.4 overs)

Dip 53 not out, Waqar 22, Zia 14

RUASCC won by 1 wicket

Match Scorecard

Before we begin I have a polite request for the science community and it’s simply this: before you spend another billion dollars making a new mobile telephone that’s slightly thinner than the last one, or creating a synthetic meat that looks like meat but doesn’t taste quite as good as meat, or crash-landing a robot on a moving comet at the other end of the solar system, could you instead please turn your attention to inventing something that will get me through a common cold without feeling like I’m slowly suffocating in a warm rucksack full of shit.

It can’t be that hard, I just want to be able to breathe and speak and not have to blow my nose EVERY FIVE GODDAMN SECONDS is that really too much to ask?  You’ve cured cholera, you’ve nailed polio; you’ve pretty much got a handle on the ebola thing so come on now, it’s time to focus on me.  I have trouble sleeping you know – everything dries out and gets caked in this weird filmy substance that makes me choke myself awake - an exasperated Lady Keiwit packs her things and goes to her mother’s.  There has to be something you can do!

Anyway, I have a cold.  And I started this game feeling weak and tired and the bright sunlight hurt my eyes and sometimes I was hot and sweating and other times I was cold and shivering and I felt dizzy and sick and miserable.  It’s no wonder our ancestors used to just curl up and die at age 24 when they didn’t even have paracetamol to take the edge off.  And by the way if there’s anyone cynical enough to think that I’m using this whole illness thing to excuse what happened in my first two overs against Stoke Green then you could not be more right.

To Sunday then, and first a nod to the heroic efforts of Andy Eagle to get us a game at all after a late cancellation from Warborough - Eagle was in London (presumed drunk) when the call came through but hastily pulled some strings and found the skipper of Stoke Green in hospitable mood.  Then after all the effort he’d put into arranging the game he failed to properly research directions to the ground and missed the toss, which Zia lost on his behalf.

Still, at least Eagle arrived BEFORE the game started - he was made to look punctual by Bruce and Tranter who barely made it in time for tea.  The bright side for them was that they missed the aforementioned horror show at the start of the innings, when Withers took the new ball and flung it over the square leg boundary with minimal assistance from the batsman.  After two horrendous overs costing thousands of runs Withers was put out to pasture and Waqar was brought on to bring things under control, which he soon did by dismissing the danger-man for 32.

RUASCC recovered well from the shaky start and Withers returned from the opposite end to pick up two wickets (thus drawing level with Ward for the season) while Daman Singh bowled with pace and skill and deserved his three wickets despite owing two of them to superb catches by Dip and Murphy.  Later it was apparent that the real batting had been used up so it was time for Bruce Main to come on and pick some low-hanging fruit – his first 4.2 overs of the season produced four wickets, the first three clean bowled and the final one cut straight to Ward in the covers.

After scoring 200+ in both games so far this season we could afford to be optimistic of chasing down the total, even more so once we scored five from the first over all in wides.  But then the wheels came off and we made an absolute Lib Dem of it.

Eagle and Murphy were both given LBW and Ward edged behind and that was just the start.  Having already cleared the man on the mid-wicket boundary Zia attempted the same shot next ball but found the fielder; meanwhile Greenhalf chipped one to mid-off and Bruce missed a straight one to leave us 28-6, and all of this happened within the first seven overs.

Things improved a little bit after that – we almost reached 50 before losing another wicket.  Both Daman and Waqar had a go but couldn’t sustain the counter attack, then Tranter was bowled to leave RUASCC 79-9 with less than half the overs gone.

The game was all but lost: we were down to one recognised batsman (Dip) and one recognised scorer (Withers), but it proved to be an ideal partnership - Dip was able to relax knowing that Withers probably wouldn’t get himself out and Withers was able to relax knowing that Dip only needed to score three an over to win the game.

Gradually the total edged upwards, mostly from Dip’s bat but supplemented by a steady flow of wides.  Eagle umpiring said it would be nice if we just got to 100, but once we got there we decided to stick around and try for a few more.  The home side brought their quickest bowler back on and Withers caught a high full toss on the index finger of his left hand, temporarily causing him to shut up about his runny nose and instead bleed quietly into his glove.

Dip continued to accumulate and with every boundary the prospect of reaching the target seemed more and more credible, though Withers was starting to regret having given away quite so many early runs.  Then with five overs to go Dip pulled his eleventh four to reach a superb fifty and win the game.

RUASCC Highlight:  The unbroken stand of 68 is a new club record for the tenth wicket and gave RUASCC a victory that had looked extremely unlikely just an hour before.

RUASCC Man of the Match:  Dip.

RUASCC Team:  Ward, Eagle (capt), Murphy, Zia, Dip (wkt), Greenhalf, Main, Daman Singh, Waqar, Tranter, Withers

Mortimer West End (A) – 26.4.15

RUASCC 201-2 (35 overs)

Zia 76 not out, Jas Singh 73 not out, Ward 17

Mortimer West End 106 all out (32.4 overs)

Murphy 2-4, Ward 2-8, Jas Singh 2-14

RUASCC won by 95 runs

If there’s one thing worse than not playing cricket then it has to be playing cricket when it’s freezing cold.  All the pre-season anticipation for the delights of the summer game disappears out the window when you have to take the field in an overcoat, and when Sunday’s forecast improved from “rain all day” to merely “bastard cold” we knew this one was going to be a treat.

Eagle lost the toss and was asked to bat first on a pitch that had been already been used for a Friday evening game and a rain-affected Saturday league match.  Runs proved hard to come by at first, partly due to a slow, wet outfield and partly due to the massive boundary on one side - a full-blooded pull from Ward only earned three runs after the ball travelled 90 metres but stayed within the field of play.  The resulting frustration led to two quick wickets as first Ward came down the track and was bowled before Eagle got one right in the slot and drilled it to gully.

But soon it was the home side who were frustrated - Jas Singh survived a strong appeal for caught behind on 0 before warming up to hit boundaries all around the wicket.  Zia and Jas came together at 39-2 and added fifty in the first eight overs, then accelerated and brought up the hundred partnership before moving to their respective fifties in successive deliveries.  They didn’t stop there, and both brought out the switch hit on their way to an unbroken stand of 162.

The feeling in the pavilion was that our total of 201 was probably enough, and since it was limited overs (hence no pressure to take 10 wickets) the captain felt confident enough not to bowl Zia at all.  Instead Waqar took the new ball, initially struggled for length but recovered well after a change of ends.

Withers did that thing where he bowls seven overs for just 11 runs but nobody can remember a single thing about it.  After boasting the proud record of taking at least one wicket in every appearance last season it’s good to get used to disappointment nice and early in 2015.

Daman Singh experimented with a shortened run up but was quickly asked by the captain to revert to “proper” bowling (with improved results), while Jas Singh added to his two wickets the previous week with two more thanks to diving catches by Murphy in the gully and Withers at slip.

With the home side six wickets down and the match all but won it was time to explore the murkier depths of our bowling resources – with the slightly unexpected result that the final four wickets fell within 16 deliveries.  You can learn things in these situations and we now know, for example, that Murphy can give it plenty of air and deceive batsmen into doing things they really don’t want to be doing.

From the other end Mike Ward’s first ball was dispatched for a maximum over long off but halfway through the over he had figures of 2-6.  Only a dropped catch denied Ward a third wicket later in the over but Murphy soon wrapped up the game with his second.  A comfortable win by 95 runs and the second week in a row we’ve bowled out the opposition.

RUASCC Highlight: It’s got to be Mike Ward on a hat-trick.

RUASCC Man of the Match: Karthee - didn’t get a bat, took a fearful smack on the knee fielding at short mid-wicket leaving him unable to bowl, then dropped a catch in the penultimate over of the day before leaving the ground without his coat.

RUASCC Team: Ward, Eagle (capt), Jas Singh, Zia, Murphy, Dip (wkt), Nadeem, Daman Singh, Karthee, Waqar, Withers