Woodcote (A) - 30.5.10

On this ground last year we cruised to an eight-wicket win chasing down 170 in only 29 overs, so after last week’s batting performance we had reason to be confident going into Sunday’s match. But after a dismal batting collapse our losing streak was extended to three matches and on this sunny but breezy bank holiday afternoon we were in the pub garden before 6pm.

With no wins from five matches it could perhaps be argued that we simply have a poor away record, although this provides little comfort as we head into a sequence of nine consecutive away games before August. So, in order to prevent a slide into negativity, this report will be interspersed with uplifting song lyrics.

Once again Tranter proved to be a useless tosser and RUASCC were asked to bat first in a 35-over match. Note: this was supposed to be 35 overs per side, not in total. With Eagle and Dip opening the batting we set off like a train (slow, juddery, occasionally stopping for no reason) and had reached 11 before Dip ducked to avoid a full toss that hit off-stump halfway up.

A jumpy rhythm makes you feel so fine
It'll shake all the trouble from your worried mind
Get rhythm when you get the blues
(Get Rhythm, Johnny Cash)

Baker came in on the back of two decent scores last weekend, but when he started to attack he found the only man on the point boundary and was caught for 7. The score was 32 with only 17 coming off the bat as Woodcote’s bowlers employed the wide-wide-wide-straight technique – and it worked a charm as Eagle was trapped LBW by the only ball in the over he could have reached.

Dersh hit two boundaries before he was bowled by a beauty, and he was soon followed by Loader and Greenhalf (both caught) to make it 66-6.

All of your demons will wither away
Ecstasy comes and they cannot stay
(Demons, Fatboy Slim featuring Macy Gray)

Zia, unusually for him, began in controlled fashion, diligently leaving a wide ball from the leg-spinner. Unfortunately for Zia, he had forgotten he had taken guard a foot outside his crease and was promptly stumped. This wicket brought together Stewart and Tranter with a combined age of almost 130 years, and they recorded the largest stand of the innings (23). Tranter dusted off the bat and brought out the lofted drives, hitting two fours just as a procession of old steam engines chugged past the edge of the pitch.

And he galloped into Market Street, his badge upon his chest,
His name was Ernie, and he drove the fastest milk cart in the west.
(Ernie (The Fastest Milkman in the West), Benny Hill)

The fun came to an end as Trant tried to cut a ball on middle stump and was bowled for 16. Then Stewart was caught helping the ball round the corner and it was left to Withers and Ashman to see out the last ten overs and add some much-needed runs to the total. After a quick chat about how this could be best achieved, Ashman swung at a straight one and was plumb LBW for 0. RUASCC had train-wrecked to 96 all out, with only Extras able to hold their head high, contributing 30.

The reply was a mere formality as RUASCC chopped and changed their bowlers but couldn’t stem the flow of runs – Strauss raced to 23 inside three overs and Cook dispatched a full-toss to surpass his first innings total. Despite Cook being given LBW to one that looked a bit high, Strauss and Trott continued the assault and victory was secured with eight wickets and more than a session to spare.

No, hang on. I’ve got mixed up there, sorry. The Woodcote opener raced to 22 in three overs and despite Zia bowling him when he had reached 52, victory was secured before 5.30pm with nine wickets and nearly 20 overs to spare. The winning runs came courtesy of a six into the allotments just so we could all walk off the pitch feeling really special.

Why there is no perfect place, yes I know this is true
I'm just learning how to smile, that's not easy to do
I know there will come a day
When we can leave and just go running away
(Learning How to Smile, Everclear)

We all have our off-days. For RUASCC it’s usually a Sunday.

On my way home, stuck in traffic, I found myself staring absent-mindedly at one of those “The Car in front is a Toyota” stickers when I suddenly realised it was on a Vauxhall Zafira. I thought maybe they meant the car in front of them was a Toyota, so I leaned over to get a glimpse but it looked to me like a Honda Civic. I looked to my right but there was only a Ford Focus in front of a Renault Megane. I couldn’t see a Toyota in front of anything! It was such a frustrating day.

RUASCC Highlight: Zia’s lone celebration when Baker caught a bump ball.

RUASCC Man of the Match: Extras.

RUASCC Team: Eagle, Dip (wkt), Baker, Loader, Dersh, Greenhalf, Zia, Stewart, Tranter (capt), Ashman, Withers

Tilehurst & Theale (A) – 23.5.10

After failing to defend a total of 170 on Saturday we ramped it up a notch on Sunday and failed to defend 219, which is actually a great shame because our batting deserved better – it was quite brilliant at times, especially in the partnership of 98 between Captain Dip (77) and Johnny Baker (65).

On a hot afternoon batting first we’d reached 26 with no problems when Ward was out in bizarre fashion. Just beaten by a lifter outside off-stump, he went for a little stroll, presumably to have a quiet word with himself, and the wicketkeeper threw down the stumps. Then Eagle, who had reached 19 with some nice drives through the offside, misjudged a full toss and offered it straight back to the bowler.

Part-time cricketer Brennand-Carter glanced a four through the slips from his first ball and added another run in the same area before he was bowled trying to hit it somewhere else. At this point we could have been in some trouble at 50-3, but with the outfield like a snooker table there were always runs to be had. Ken Stewart joined Dip and they added a useful 43 together before the big stand between Dip and Baker put us in a strong position at 191-4.

Despite Dip, Griffiths and Baker falling in the last few overs we felt happy with a total of 219-7 knowing that T&T had 41 overs to either chase or defend. But if there was something rather spectacular about the way we gave the game away against Greys, this defeat in Theale had an air of inevitability about it quite early in the second innings.

It started OK: Withers opened with a maiden then bagged a wicket in the third over thanks to a safe catch in the covers from Bruce Main. Then Ashman found a top edge and the catch was taken at mid-wicket by, um, Bruce Main. Five catches in two games for the Kiwi. Meanwhile the other opener looked to drive anything over-pitched and the scoreboard started ticking quite alarmingly.

Things started to go very wrong at the arrival of a left-hander known as Aids (short for Adrian, not for any other reason). He repeatedly showed us exactly why it’s a bad idea to bowl short on the leg-side and soon reached 50 as the required run rate never got out of hand. He was eventually dismissed by a brilliant catch at deep square leg by Baker (who had quite a weekend) off the bowling of Ken Stewart.

Baker picked up a wicket with his third ball, a full toss caught by Dip at mid-on, but the runs continued to flow from the bat of Osborne as too many four-balls were bowled. Very Young Rahul picked up his second wicket of the season but the home side passed 200 with three overs still to go. Some streaky edges prevailed and the winning boundary was hit with three balls to spare.

Two consecutive matches taken to the final over but both ended in defeat for RUASCC. So far this season our scores have been 151, 164, 170 and 219 but our bowling has lacked the cutting edge needed to stem the flow of runs or (in the game against BBC) take the final wicket. Our catching, which was superb against BBC, was less assured this weekend but ultimately it didn’t cost us the games.

RUASCC Highlight: Baker’s catch and Rahul’s wicket were both lovely moments, but the highlight has to be the superb batting of Baker and Dip.

RUASCC Man of the Match: Dip for his Captain’s innings.

RUASCC Team: Ward, Eagle, Dip (capt), Brennand-Carter, Stewart, Baker, Griffiths (wkt), Rahul Patel, Main, Ashman, Withers

Greys Green (A) – 22.5.10

In complete contrast to our previous match we arrived in Greys in glorious sunshine and enjoyed the sort of day when it’s a pleasure to play cricket regardless of the result. This is perhaps just as well because we lost by six wickets.

Considering the heat it was something of a surprise when Trant (who lost the toss again) was asked to bat first. Ward and Eagle looked to carry on their good form and each hit early boundaries before Eagle was bowled by a stump-high full toss for 7. Baker and Ward soon got on top of the often erratic quick bowlers, dispatching the short stuff and the full tosses with equal conviction, and Ward battered a six into the road, a fact which was temporarily overlooked by the sun-roasted scorer.

The pair added 63 for the second wicket before Ward (30) prodded at one outside off-stump and was caught at slip. Then, as quite often happens, 77-2 soon became 106-5 as the first change bowlers recovered the situation - Baker was caught behind for 37 and both Dersh and Stewart were bowled for considerably fewer.

Greenhalf (batting with a broken arm) took a hearty swing at just about everything that came his way and his partnership with Young Sam briefly seemed to be getting the innings back on track. Despite taking a while to get off the mark, Sam’s trademark drives took him into double figures before he was trapped LBW and Greenhalf had offered a few chances before his luck ran out and he was caught on the fine leg boundary. Seven wickets down and only 140 on the board.

At this stage nine-year-old Rahul Patel was batting with fifty-nine-year-old Tranter and the senior partner chipped a few boundaries before he took a swing at a straight one and missed. Ashman’s castle soon suffered a similar fate and that brought last man Withers to the crease for the final three overs. A mad dash for runs didn’t really materialise as the ever-watchful Rahul and the stroke-free number 11 had to settle mostly for singles and byes to nudge RUASCC’s total up to 170-9.

At 4pm, with cloudless skies above and the sun still cooking the pitch, we stopped for a high quality tea including chicken sandwiches, egg sandwiches (she wouldn’t say which were made first) and a variety of cakes and fresh fruits. The opening bowler is wise to exercise some self-restraint when faced with such a feast.

Still slightly-hungry, Withers opened the bowling with a maiden to a rather tentative left-hander then proceeded to bowl another five very similar overs to the same batsman, beating the outside edge nearly seven thousand times. Meanwhile Baker was treated more harshly by the other opener who did at least look like he’d held a bat before.

Finally the batsmen crossed and Withers had his first look at the right-hander. Three balls later he was gone - a low full toss top-edged high in the air was taken safely by Young Sam with the gloves. The new man, a fidgety cross-bat merchant, pulled a couple of well-timed fours and defended with extravagance before he played across the line to Johnny Baker’s quicker ball and lost a stump. With 20 overs to go Greys still needed 130 runs to win and no one really looked as if they would lift the run-rate.

As Withers continued to probe outside the lefty’s off-stump, two quite catchable catches went uncaught (Eagle and Tranter the culprits) while the occasional loose full toss was slapped away over the leg-side. Eventually it was down to the Good Dr Ashman to find a way through, breaking the resistance and bowling him for a painful 28.

By now trouble was brewing at the other end: a real batsman had settled in and was starting to hit things quite hard. Dersh conceded twenty-plus runs from his three overs before Tranter’s solitary over went for four hundred and sixty seven. The required rate dropped to just four an over and although Baker returned with a maiden (and a wicket, bowling the destroyer-in-chief for 74) Greys marched into the final over needing only four to win, achieving it in one ball.

So, a defeat by six wickets, but also an excellent tanning session and a good warm-up for those of us who head into tomorrow’s fixture at Theale full of confidence that RUASCC’s first win in 2010 is likely to arrive in the next few months or so.

RUASCC Highlight: Ward’s six was memorable, partly because it was instantly forgotten.

RUASCC Man of the Match: He top-scored with 37; he bowled 16 overs in energy-sapping heat taking 2-40; he suffered cramp in his calf muscle and was forced to leave the field and eat crisps. Stand up (if you can): Johnny Baker.

RUASCC Team: Ward, Eagle, Baker, Dersh, Stewart, Griffiths (wkt), Greenhalf, Rahul Patel, Tranter (capt), Ashman, Withers

England v Australia – Twenty20 Final (Barbados) - 16.5.10

An American walks into a bar. It’s 5pm on Sunday 16th May 2010 and every television is showing live coverage of the Twenty20 final between England and Australia. The American orders some food and moves towards the vacant seat opposite me. As he pulls back the chair he says, “Could you do me a favour? Explain to me how this game works.”

Many people have tried to explain cricket to foreigners, the most famous attempt can be found here. Being a helpful sort of soul, I readily accepted the task of providing a complete and thoroughly accurate account of the beautiful game, and soon began to realise there’s just so damn much of it. The nature of runs and wickets, the stumps, the bowling action, the boundaries etc. are easy enough to explain. The fact that England were playing in the final of a major tournament and had reduced the Old Enemy to 8-3 in the third over, well, I couldn’t even understand that myself.

What’s the ball made from? Why do the pitchers take such a long run? Don’t those guys even wear gloves? These are just some of the issues we tackled in that first half hour. Then Collingwood took a superb diving catch at short mid-wicket to get rid of Clarke.
“And that’s it, he’s done now?”
“Yes sir, he’s done now.”

My guest told me he lives in Minnesota and is in England for a week delivering IT training. He said he was staying in a place “three or four blocks away”. I’m not sure exactly how much of Wokingham “a block” constitutes but I didn’t feel the need to enquire further. Then he ruthlessly polished off a chicken Caesar salad and a burger and chips. I love Americans.

The thing that struck me about this situation was that this was only Dan’s third visit to England (his first time watching cricket) and he happened to walk in on England winning their first world title EVER. He was doubly fortunate as he stumbled across the shortest form of the game with a result guaranteed in a couple of hours. And his host for the evening: the author of a cricket blog. Welcome to England, my friend, we look after people here.

Adequately supplied with beer, we covered each important aspect of the game as it came up. As Australia scrambled for every run and took greater risks to get the ball off the square, we talked about “limited overs”, “wickets in hand” and “setting a competitive total”. (I stopped short of naming the fielding positions – the last thing my new friend needed was a deep backward square leg or a silly point.) I tried to describe the phenomenal ending to the semi-final against Pakistan when Hussey needed 18 from the final over and hit 23 from just five balls. Dan absorbed it all and kept on asking questions.

(Incidentally, I do have an unfortunate tendency to unconsciously mimic the speech of the person I’m talking to, and realised slightly too late when I said “Pakistan” placing the emphasis on the first syllable. Thinking back, I also remember referring to the players as “guys” far, far more often than I usually would.)

The England bowlers were brilliant throughout but Australia built a couple of good partnerships in the second half of their innings thanks to Cameron White and David Hussey and finished on a respectable but below-par 147-6. Dan still referred to runs as “points”, to wickets as “outs” and to the bowler as the “pitcher”, but by now he had a pretty good idea of what was going on. There was a moment of particular excitement when Hussey was run out: stumps everywhere, players sprinting in vain - great entertainment for a newcomer.

After a drinks break for the players and for me, the England reply got underway and almost immediately Michael Lumb was caught at mid-on for two.
“Two! That’s all he got, two! Hey that’s not great for your top guy.” I had to agree.

As Pieterson came in we found an area of common ground between cricket and baseball: you put your best hitters in the middle. I quietly mentioned that both batsmen were actually South African then we enjoyed the next ten overs immensely as Kieswetter and KP started to dominate the Australian bowlers.

And then the moment I’d been dreading: an LBW appeal. “What are they screaming for?” Dan asked in all innocence.
“Ah,” I started. “There’s another way of getting out.”
I explained the basics of the LBW law just as hawk-eye showed clearly the ball was going to hit middle stump half way up.
“So why is he still there?”
The answer was of course: “It possibly pitched just outside leg-stump – he’s bowling left-arm over the wicket and it’s difficult to get a decision from there.” But rather than get too detailed I offered the rather feeble, “There are rules about where the ball can bounce and stuff.”

Fortunately this was accepted as gospel and the game continued. Dan went back to the bar and returned with a pint. He sat down, took a sip and said, “Man, that’s some funny tasting beer.” I took a sniff - he had ordered Strongbow.

As Dan’s understanding of the rules improved, he became more and more convinced that England would walk an easy victory but to his obvious bafflement I wasn’t getting carried away. After yet another four from Kieswetter he watched the scoreboard tick along to 95-1.

“Ninety-five!” he exclaimed, loudly. “Ninety-five! Surely you think they’re gonna do it now.”
“You’ve been watching England for an hour and a half,” I said. “I’ve been watching them for twenty-five years. Do not underestimate their capacity to disappoint.”
I liked his confidence though, it was reassuring. He had never seen a cricket match before but it was obvious to him who was the better side and that the odds were heavily in England’s favour.

When first Pieterson then Kieswetter were dismissed with England still 27 runs short of victory I took the opportunity to enlighten Dan about the nature of the batting collapse. At this stage I was still waiting for something else to go wrong, but a few minutes later when Collingwood perfectly executed his short-arm jab over square leg for six, England needed only five runs from 20 balls. It was at this point where I finally thought, “We could actually win this.” And we did.

Now, I know Pieterson was born in South Africa, but did you see his reaction at the winning run? He looked absolutely ecstatic. He was first out of the dugout, first onto the pitch and first to congratulate his team-mates in the middle. I realise his superior reactions and greater speed over land are probably because he’s South African but that’s not the point here. He’s an England player and he has been for five years. This meant a lot to him, as he showed in his interviews after picking up the award for Player of the Tournament.

What a great evening’s entertainment. I was given the chance to sell cricket, the game I love, to a complete stranger during one of the most important, most gripping and most superb performances in England’s One-Day International history. Dan was as pleased with the result as anyone else in the pub. Now we just have to wait and see whether a new cricket club springs up in Minnesota.

Southampton Uni (A) - 15.5.10

The Southampton captain cancelled the match on Friday morning because they couldn't raise a team. Instead, choosing to boycott the FA Cup Final, I went out for a walk in Micheldever Wood, famous for its bluebells.



A tip: by all means leave the car in the main parking area, but cross the road and try the quieter part of the wood.

Cricket to return shortly.

Sheep Stop Play

A cricket match in Windsor was interrupted when sheep invaded the field.

BBC Caversham (A) – 8.5.10

Saturday afternoon at the BBC and, although the rain mostly stayed away, it was widely agreed that this was the coldest any of us had ever been on a cricket pitch. As the match got underway and the rest of us huddled around a lit cigarette for warmth, we gave thanks for the wonderful game.

The afternoon began with a wardrobe malfunction as opening batsman Ward’s trouser cord bit the dust. When Tranter lost the toss and was asked to bat first, a replacement pair was found courtesy of number 11 Withers, the least likely to be inconvenienced.

The trousers proved to be of great assistance to Ward, as did the BBC’s bowling and field placing. With each leg-side delivery Ward could play behind square leg safe in the knowledge that a) no fielder would be there to stop it and b) his trolleys wouldn’t drop to his ankles as soon as he set off for a run. With the new, confident Eagle continuing where he left off at Farley Hill (assisted by several dropped catches) RUASCC’s opening partnership raced past 50.

Soon the bowling started to improve and Eagle was given LBW having reached 31 to bring to an end an excellent stand. It’s not every day you get to see Eagle and Ward make 69 together.

New man Dip hooked his first delivery for four as the impressive run rate was maintained, and RUASCC passed 100 without further loss. Ward moved from 37 to 53 with four fours and the trousers celebrated their second career half-century.

With the score on 125, Dip successfully replicated his dismissal two weeks ago when he skied a shot that invited almost anyone on the field to catch him out. Dersh, soon followed, bowled for 1 and Loader was back even quicker, caught off a leading edge for a first ball duck.

More wickets followed as Chan (11) and Zia (2) tried to make a final push for quick runs, and after some more big shots Ward was eventually bowled for a fantastic 90, his highest ever score. It is a source of great pride to be able to say that Ward got the runs in my trousers.

Skipper Tranter started positively with a boundary but was caught soon afterwards and RUASCC declared on 164-8.

The BBC reply started slowly, got slower, briefly looked as if it was about to pick up, slowed down again, slowed down even more then went to sleep at about 6.30pm.

Withers (now reacquainted with all his clothes) and Main opened the bowling and nothing very exciting happened before Withers was driven for four in the seventh over. Two balls later a low full toss on leg-stump produced the first wicket, and when Zia was introduced a few overs later another low full toss produced the second, Withers taking the catch at square leg.

Zia’s irresistible ten-over spell garnered two more wickets for only seven runs – one an LBW shout that seemed a fraction high and the other a frantic, scrambling catch by Main at leg-slip. Then the afternoon turned slightly surreal as Dersh was given a bowl and, finding some turn and bounce, he took a wicket in each of his first two overs (one a juggled catch by Ward, the other taken by Ashman at square-leg).

BBC had long given up the run chase and seemed content simply to have surpassed their previous lowest total against us (27). With just over 50 on the board, and a Canadian lady in at number 8, Tranter brought himself on to bowl and started with a Harmison-style wide to second slip.

The Skipper soon found his line and dispatched both the Canadian and her batting partner thanks to two more catches by the bucket-handed Bruce at mid-on. And Trant wasn’t finished there – a diving catch by Chan in the covers gave the Silver Fox three wickets for just four runs.

Chan himself sent down a couple of tidy overs without success before Main and Withers were given the task of finishing the job. However, the last pair managed to negotiate four more overs (and some hefty LBW appeals) to earn the draw.

BBC’s total of 65-9 was four runs fewer than RUASCC’s opening partnership.


RUASCC Highlight: Our catching – seven in all!

RUASCC Man of the Match: Dersh, Zia and Tranter get a mention for their bowling performances, as does Ward for a superb personal-best knock. But with 90 runs, one wicket and one catch the undoubted winners this week are my trousers.

RUASCC Team: Ward, Eagle, Dip (wkt), Dersh, Loader, Chan, Zia, Main, Tranter (capt), Ashman, Withers

Blewbury (A) – 2.5.10

In the 2009 season we didn’t lose a single match to the weather - quite remarkable considering it wasn’t exactly the BBQ summer predicted. No such luck in 2010 as the second scheduled fixture was rained off following several days of late-April nastiness. On these occasions you hope for an early cancellation so there’s enough time to make other plans for the day – plans that sadly don’t involve tea. On Sunday morning, after receiving the expected confirmation, I successfully made and implemented plans to spend the rest of the day watching snooker. There’s something quite mesmerising about snooker: the drama, the tension, the fact that nobody (except possibly John Higgins) knows who the eventual winner will be.

Unfortunately, this situation rendered me quite unable to improve on my impressive statistics of no runs and no wickets in 2010. But looking on the bright side, it has allowed us to preserve our unbeaten start to the season which, judging by the thrashing handed to us in Blewbury last year, would have been unlikely had the game gone ahead. I’m aware that doesn’t sound terribly optimistic. It is, after all, entirely possible that we could have gone out there, bowled the home side out for 100 and chased it down with eight wickets and 15 overs to spare.

In the real world, Ireland probably didn’t fancy their chances going into the match with England last night, especially as the most talented Irish cricketer (Morgan) was batting at number five for the other team. They restricted England to 120-8 with a fielding performance full of energy and discipline, but they were prevented from sealing the win by the same thing that prevented us from completing our fictitious victory over Blewbury: rain.

All of which teaches us absolutely nothing really, except that one can only hope the weather is kind to us on Saturday so I have a real match and a real performance to write about.