Middlesex v Surrey (Lords) – 29.4.11

It was decided several months ago that on the 29th of April a small group of us would get up early in the morning, pack a picnic and catch a train into London to celebrate the wedding of Kate and William by watching some cricket at Lord’s.

I’m not particularly anti-Royal but there are many things I would rather do than watch a wedding. Cleaning the fridge is one. That said, a lot of other people seem to think it’s all jolly wonderful and that’s great. Popular opinion suggests that most men would like to give one to a young lady named Pippa but that’s probably as much information as I need. Incidentally, I do find it odd when people say the wedding makes them proud to be British, but then I tend to agree with George Bernard Shaw: “patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it.” So Prince William got married, should that make me proud to be a man with rapidly thinning hair?

So regardless of all that, I do believe that when circumstances give you a Friday off work it is important to spend the day doing something you enjoy, and watching the third day of a county cricket game with Dr Andy and the other Dr Andy seemed to fit the bill.

Unfortunately for us the match wasn’t set up very well. Having allowed Middlesex to amass 445 in the first innings, Surrey were bowled out for just 203 in 56 overs on Thursday afternoon. Following on, they had lost another two wickets (Brown and De Bruyn were the unlucky men dismissed twice in one day) and at the start of play they still needed 208 runs just to make Middlesex bat again.

Now, I must confess that the lovely Mrs Keiwit finds cricket rather boring, and after the two sessions I saw today it is difficult to argue otherwise. Surrey began the day in a dreadful position, reached lunch in a hopeless position and failed to survive until tea – losing by an innings and 42 runs. At no stage was it dramatic or exciting, there were no moments of individual brilliance and the power never shifted away from the bowling side. It was never more than pleasantly engaging - something to focus on while the two-litre bottle of “diet coke” slipped down all too easily.

Opening batsman Gary Wilson began the day on 11 not out, with occasional England wicketkeeper Steven Davies on 20. Both had been dismissed for ducks in the first innings and both seemed to be approaching the second dig with a fair degree of caution – as would I if I saw 6’8” Steven Finn steaming in towards me! At the other end West Indian fast bowler Corey Collymore caused all sorts of trouble, beating the bat on numerous occasions. Runs were hard to come by but neither bowler forced a breakthrough in that opening spell.

It was the second bowling change that brought the day’s first wicket: 23-year-old Toby Roland-Jones may have seemed like a less frightening prospect but he immediately found the edge of Wilson’s bat to end his 83-ball resistance. And 73-3 soon became 73-4 as Surrey skipper Hamilton-Brown went for a duck. Surrey’s second innings was heading the same way as the first.

Now, I don’t favour either of the two sides and I just wanted to see as much cricket as possible, so naturally I was supporting the Surrey batsmen, willing them to stick around and make a few runs. Davies passed fifty and looked solid, but all the way through he seemed to be the only one up for the fight - one after another his teammates reached double figures then gave their wicket away – Maynard 11, Batty 17, Jordan 22, Arafat 16 – all stayed in long enough to get a look at the bowling but none ever quite settled.

I was particularly disappointed when Chris Jordan got out. He’d faced 47 balls and hit four boundaries (including one superb straight drive) before chasing a wide one and edging to the keeper. Come on boy, you’ve got the talent, you’ve done the hard bit, now build an innings!

After Jordan went, Davies seemed to realise his chances of reaching a century were slipping away fast. He clipped one delightful six over mid-wicket off spinner Ollie Rayner and pulled Dexter for four in the next over, but having reached 94 he perhaps got carried away and played onto his stumps, the eighth wicket to fall.

It wasn’t long before Arafat edged to slip to give Roland-Jones his third wicket and leave Surrey 200-9. With four balls left before tea numbers ten and eleven met at the crease, Surrey still needed 42 to make Middlesex bat again and there was still the fourth day to think about. As the two men met in the middle, how do you think the conversation went?

A) Let’s just see out the over.
B) If we take this ten runs at a time we can make this annoying for them.
C) Just have a swing mate – we’ll be in the pub by five.

The next delivery was short and Dernbach tried to hook it, missing the ball completely. Next up he tried the same again, made contact but spooned it straight to gully and the match was over. So, option C it was then. I don’t suppose they really had a choice. What were they ever going to achieve? There was nothing left to fight for, so the young man had a swing. I was really hoping cricket would be the winner, but in the end, inevitably, it was Middlesex.

When I got home this evening I turned on the TV and was met with pictures of the Royal couple kissing on a balcony. I instantly turned over to the Indian Premier League because, frankly, even the worst kind of cricket is still better than a Royal Wedding.