Britwell Salome (A) - 4.7.10

RUASCC made the trip to Britwell full of optimism on the back of a one-match winning streak but after a disappointing batting performance will have to be content with “three matches unbeaten”. Tranter announced, somewhat proudly I thought, to the home captain that he had lost nine consecutive tosses and his delight at subsequently losing a tenth was only increased when Britwell did the decent thing and had a bat first.

Koslicki and Withers started well and the home side were reduced to 17-2 in the first eight overs thanks to two sharp catches from Main and wicketkeeper Dip. But the third wicket added another 47, the vast majority being cut very hard to the cover boundary by Joyner Senior who did his best to keep Wardy busy at point. At first all he could do was stand and watch as the shots whistled by, but later he pulled off a couple of spectacular dives as the shots whistled by.

Withers (2-37) picked up his second wicket with a successful LBW appeal and Main struck soon after, removing Joyner (unfortunately it was only Joyner Junior) to leave Britwell 84-4. Main and his Magic Wicket-Taking Hat were further rewarded when a leading edge found Ken Stewart at mid-on and Lawrence was bowled by a beauty of an outswinger as he tried to play a forward defensive.

With the score at 108-6 Joyner had already passed fifty as he carried the Britwell innings. The next man in played four superb straight drives off Manoj but couldn’t handle the extra bounce from Bruce and was caught behind. An excellent spell from the bearded Kiwi produced figures of 4-64 from his 12.4 overs.

From 135-7 the home side then added their highest stand of the day to take them to 186-7 – and as yet another four from Joyner brought up both the fifty partnership and his own personal hundred the skipper called them in for tea.

Tea was superb with marinated chicken, sausages and several varieties of cake and when all 22 players had eaten to excess there were still twelve baskets of bread and fish left over. By this time Rafael Nadal had already finished off Berdych in straight sets at Wimbledon and the RUASCC top order were settling down for an afternoon nap.

Any visiting scouts from future opposition could have summed up our batting performance quite quickly: “vulnerable to the straight ball.” Of the eight wickets that fell during those two desperate hours seven were clean bowled while only Wardy, never one for following convention, offered a catch.

Eagle got off the mark first ball with a carefully-guided four through third man, but having reached 5 he was bowled behind his legs, the first of three RUASCC batsmen to suffer that fate. Carpenter (1) and Ward (5) had gone by the time Dip offered no shot to one he thought was missing leg stump (it didn’t) and suddenly the score was 40-4. It is entirely possible that Dip had one nervous eye on the hungry-looking red kites circling above.

Chan and his “little friend” got settled in and hit several fours on the way to making 21. For those who haven’t seen Chan’s new cricket bat, try imagining a cricket bat the shape of Chan. It has depth.

Dip’s dismissal brought Manoj to the crease and the prediction from the sidelines was “either a six over mid-wicket, or he’s getting bowled.” He was bowled attempting to hit the skin off the ball over mid-wicket. Chan was next to go and RUASCC were struggling at 50-6 as the umpires signalled there were twenty overs left to play.

So, it was perfect timing for a stand of 41 between Ken Stewart and Bruce Main that ate up ten overs and pushed the score along to something that potentially one day might hope to resemble respectability. Ken was obdurate, stubborn and Scottish as he exploited the attacking field setting, hitting the bad balls for four and blocking everything else. Main provided vital support but fell victim to his favourite long-arm sweep and was bowled for 11.

At 91-7 Koslicki joined Stewart and they added another 14, including three boundaries from the new batsman. When Koslicki was bowled for 12 there were still four overs to go so it was left to Stewart and Withers to see out the draw. Withers contributed the only way he knows (1 not out) while Stewart hit another three fours to finish unbeaten on 46, with only a sharp bit of fielding in the final over preventing him reaching a deserved fifty.

The celebrations at yet another draw carried on long into the night as the hospitable Britwell team prepared sausages and chips and generously dispensed the ale. The selection of spicy sauces (dash of “Butt Burner” anyone?) provided further amusement, and several of us were left wondering whether we could arrange our next RUASCC tour to Britwell Salome.

RUASCC Highlight: Bruce Main’s peach of an outswinger for his third wicket. Other contenders include the look of fear on Ken’s face as he realised a catch was coming his way and the moment Chan realised he was the only man fielding on the leg side.

RUASCC Man of the Match: Ken Stewart for being the grit in Britwell’s Vaseline.

RUASCC Team: Ward, Eagle, Carpenter, Dip (wkt), Chan, Manoj, Stewart, Main, Koslicki, Withers, Tranter (capt)