Stoke Green (A) – 10.5.15

Stoke Green 145 all out (31.2 overs)

Main 4-8, Daman Singh 3-44, Withers 2-48

RUASCC 147-9 (35.4 overs)

Dip 53 not out, Waqar 22, Zia 14

RUASCC won by 1 wicket

Match Scorecard

Before we begin I have a polite request for the science community and it’s simply this: before you spend another billion dollars making a new mobile telephone that’s slightly thinner than the last one, or creating a synthetic meat that looks like meat but doesn’t taste quite as good as meat, or crash-landing a robot on a moving comet at the other end of the solar system, could you instead please turn your attention to inventing something that will get me through a common cold without feeling like I’m slowly suffocating in a warm rucksack full of shit.

It can’t be that hard, I just want to be able to breathe and speak and not have to blow my nose EVERY FIVE GODDAMN SECONDS is that really too much to ask?  You’ve cured cholera, you’ve nailed polio; you’ve pretty much got a handle on the ebola thing so come on now, it’s time to focus on me.  I have trouble sleeping you know – everything dries out and gets caked in this weird filmy substance that makes me choke myself awake - an exasperated Lady Keiwit packs her things and goes to her mother’s.  There has to be something you can do!

Anyway, I have a cold.  And I started this game feeling weak and tired and the bright sunlight hurt my eyes and sometimes I was hot and sweating and other times I was cold and shivering and I felt dizzy and sick and miserable.  It’s no wonder our ancestors used to just curl up and die at age 24 when they didn’t even have paracetamol to take the edge off.  And by the way if there’s anyone cynical enough to think that I’m using this whole illness thing to excuse what happened in my first two overs against Stoke Green then you could not be more right.

To Sunday then, and first a nod to the heroic efforts of Andy Eagle to get us a game at all after a late cancellation from Warborough - Eagle was in London (presumed drunk) when the call came through but hastily pulled some strings and found the skipper of Stoke Green in hospitable mood.  Then after all the effort he’d put into arranging the game he failed to properly research directions to the ground and missed the toss, which Zia lost on his behalf.

Still, at least Eagle arrived BEFORE the game started - he was made to look punctual by Bruce and Tranter who barely made it in time for tea.  The bright side for them was that they missed the aforementioned horror show at the start of the innings, when Withers took the new ball and flung it over the square leg boundary with minimal assistance from the batsman.  After two horrendous overs costing thousands of runs Withers was put out to pasture and Waqar was brought on to bring things under control, which he soon did by dismissing the danger-man for 32.

RUASCC recovered well from the shaky start and Withers returned from the opposite end to pick up two wickets (thus drawing level with Ward for the season) while Daman Singh bowled with pace and skill and deserved his three wickets despite owing two of them to superb catches by Dip and Murphy.  Later it was apparent that the real batting had been used up so it was time for Bruce Main to come on and pick some low-hanging fruit – his first 4.2 overs of the season produced four wickets, the first three clean bowled and the final one cut straight to Ward in the covers.

After scoring 200+ in both games so far this season we could afford to be optimistic of chasing down the total, even more so once we scored five from the first over all in wides.  But then the wheels came off and we made an absolute Lib Dem of it.

Eagle and Murphy were both given LBW and Ward edged behind and that was just the start.  Having already cleared the man on the mid-wicket boundary Zia attempted the same shot next ball but found the fielder; meanwhile Greenhalf chipped one to mid-off and Bruce missed a straight one to leave us 28-6, and all of this happened within the first seven overs.

Things improved a little bit after that – we almost reached 50 before losing another wicket.  Both Daman and Waqar had a go but couldn’t sustain the counter attack, then Tranter was bowled to leave RUASCC 79-9 with less than half the overs gone.

The game was all but lost: we were down to one recognised batsman (Dip) and one recognised scorer (Withers), but it proved to be an ideal partnership - Dip was able to relax knowing that Withers probably wouldn’t get himself out and Withers was able to relax knowing that Dip only needed to score three an over to win the game.

Gradually the total edged upwards, mostly from Dip’s bat but supplemented by a steady flow of wides.  Eagle umpiring said it would be nice if we just got to 100, but once we got there we decided to stick around and try for a few more.  The home side brought their quickest bowler back on and Withers caught a high full toss on the index finger of his left hand, temporarily causing him to shut up about his runny nose and instead bleed quietly into his glove.

Dip continued to accumulate and with every boundary the prospect of reaching the target seemed more and more credible, though Withers was starting to regret having given away quite so many early runs.  Then with five overs to go Dip pulled his eleventh four to reach a superb fifty and win the game.

RUASCC Highlight:  The unbroken stand of 68 is a new club record for the tenth wicket and gave RUASCC a victory that had looked extremely unlikely just an hour before.

RUASCC Man of the Match:  Dip.

RUASCC Team:  Ward, Eagle (capt), Murphy, Zia, Dip (wkt), Greenhalf, Main, Daman Singh, Waqar, Tranter, Withers