Tilehurst & Theale (A) – 26.5.13

RUASCC 215-8 (44 overs)

J. Singh 45, Zia 37

Tilehurst & Theale 162-9 (41 overs)

Zia 5-21, Waqar 2-22

Match drawn

After being bowled out for just 73 the day before, a RUASCC team with six changes travelled to Theale for the second game of a warm and sunny weekend.  For the opposition view, Mr Cooper has once again produced the goods in his match report, although I understand that Operation Yewtree are on the case after it was discovered that the site contains images of some very young barenaked ladies.

Meanwhile, in a bid to appeal to the modern youth, I’ve brought my own match report a bit more up-to-date and translated it into gangsta rap, thanks to the fabulous gizoogle translator.  Enjoy.

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With Eagle absent ten minutes before tha scheduled start time dat shiznit was left ta Zia ta do tha toss, win it, chizzle ta bat n' take over as captain fo' tha day. It make me wanna hollar playa!  Eagle n' Fawaz opened tha battin n' put on 66 before they both fell tha fuck up in quick succession. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.  Da two freshly smoked up men, Jas n' Zia, carried on tha phat work n' added 79 runs but they too was dissed n' dismissed up in tha same over n' shit.  Jas was caught just five runs short of a gangbangin' fifty n' Zia was caught off a high full toss dat should have gone ta tha mid-wicket boundary but somehow ended up at mid-off.

Da RUASCC innings could have faltered at dis point but Baker held firm fo' 28 not up while tha tailendaz contributed tha odd boundary before gettin out.  Da fucked up Jagesh rocked up ta rupture suttin' as he attempted a second run n' was run up by a cold-ass lil considerable distance.  Afterwardz his schmoooove ass could barely make it ta tha boundary before collapsin up in a heap.

Despite tha fall of wickets Baker n' Co managed ta add 40 runs up in tha last five overs ta finish on a straight-up respectable 215-8.

Da freshly smoked up bizzle was given ta Fawaz n' off-spinner Nadeem n' dat shiznit was tha slow bowla whoz ass took tha straight-up original gangsta wicket when Mehta was adjudged LBW despite clearly believin he’d gots a gangbangin' fair bit of bat on dat shit.  In tha tenth over Nadeem took tha second wicket ta leave tha home side 25-2 but tha innings was rebuilt by Blake n' Why, whoz ass saw off a thugged-out dozen bowlin chizzlez ta add 65 before tha ever-reliable Waqar came on ta remove dem both.

At 93-4 T&T needed 123 ta win wit 14 overs remainin n' fo' a while dis looked on tha cardz as they added another 46 fo' tha fifth wicket.  Then tha door was firmly shut by Zia whoz ass removed both Holda n' White up in one over, props ta a sharp slip catch by Jagesh n' a phat low take by Nadeem.

With tha run-rate reduced ta almost not a god damn thang Zia dissed n' dismissed Cooper n' Brown ta make RUASCC phat favourites fo' tha win yo, but tha lower order blocked just long enough cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce.  Zia’s five-wicket haul was sealed by another pimped out catch by Jagesh, whoz ass despite only havin use of one leg managed ta dive ta his fuckin left at slip n' snag it one-handed a inch from tha floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.  But tha final wicket wouldn’t come n' Tilehurst & Theale finished on 162-9.  Another hugely enjoyable, high-scorin game n' two mo' phat match reports, n' you can put dat on yo' toast.

RUASCC Highlight:  Jagesh’s second slip catch, quite remarkable.

RUASCC Man of the Match:  Zia.

RUASCC G-Unit:  Eagle, Fawaz, J. Singh, Zia (capt), Baker (wkt), Nadeem, Waqar, Taimour, Jagesh, Ashman, Withers

Greys Green (A) – 25.5.13

Greys Green 173-3 dec.

Nadeem 2-48, Obaid 1-18

RUASCC 73 all out

Obaid 25, Eagle 11

RUASCC lost by 100 runs

Well, let’s not dwell on this one too long shall we.  Towards the end of last season we were bowled out by Greys for 67, with left-armer Rooke taking 5-29.  This time it was 73, and Rooke took 5-20.  If Kevin Pietersen has a problem against left-arm spin, it seems our entire team has difficulty with left-arm swing.

The home side’s 173-3 was built patiently over 51 overs, with Knight carrying his bat for 91 not out (the same batsman scored 79 in the same fixture last year).  Withers and Zia bowled a combined 31 wicketless overs so it was left to debutant Nadeem, a tall and devious off-spinner, and Obaid to pick up the three wickets between them.

Greys’ success was based on patience early on, not losing wickets, then doubling the score in the last 40 minutes.  It’s fair to say this isn’t the example the RUASCC batsmen chose to follow.  Sajid was caught in the covers, Zia clean bowled and Dip LBW all without scoring.  Greenhalf launched one six across the road and over the trees but he was bowled by Rooke for nine, and Eagle was done by Ahmed, another who often gets wickets against us.

From 36-5 Obaid decided to go on the attack and he hit one six and four fours in an entertaining 25.  After he was brilliantly run out (by Rooke) while dawdling a second, Nadeem (3) and Malde (1) became Rooke’s fourth and fifth victims.  Then it was left to Skilliter to come on and clean up the tail: first dismissing Tranter then bowling last man Withers, leaving poor Dr Ashman stranded on 7 not out.

Still, at least it was a nice day (photo courtesy of Prof Sewell).

RUASCC Highlight:  Tea.

RUASCC Man of the Match:  For scoring a third of all our runs and taking a third of all our wickets, it’s Obaid.

RUASCC Team:  Eagle (capt), Sajid, Zia, Dip (wkt), Greenhalf, Obaid, Nadeem, Malde, Tranter, Ashman, Withers

Warborough (A) – 12.5.13

RUASCC 136-9 dec

Eagle 46, Zia 30

Warborough 82 all out

Zia 5-33, Withers 4-7

RUASCC won by 54 runs

The second match of the weekend saw a RUASCC team with seven changes from the previous day; only Ward, Eagle, Zia and Withers played in both games.  On losing the toss we were asked to bat first in steady rain (that barely stopped all day), and the openers started quietly before Ward was bowled by a full toss in the seventh over.  Carpenter got off the mark with a boundary but was soon bowled by Tilley’s first ball, 29-2.

Zia played himself in against the accurate bowling but then found his range and hit consecutive fours off Tilley.  Then a few overs later he hit three consecutive boundaries to move to 30 but fell to a decent catch at mid-on without further addition.  Meanwhile Eagle was playing the sort of innings that prompts people to say he’s not scoring quickly enough, or talk about all his runs going through the slips, but then when you look at the scorecard at the end of the match you realise he’s far outscored anyone else.

Waqar, the batting hero at Blewbury, was promoted to number five and he made 10 before being trapped LBW.  The run rate slowed and wickets fell frequently as Weeks (7), Malde (3) and Singh (6) tried and failed to push the score along.  Eagle eventually fell to a weak chip into the covers and the innings somewhat petered out, eventually culminating in an amusing run out featuring Ken Stewart and Dr Ashman.  Not the first time Dr Ashman has been involved in a run out on this ground, is it Dr Ashman?  IS IT DR ASHMAN?  NO IT IS NOT, DR ASHMAN.

Ahem, where was I?  So RUASCC made 136 in 40 overs and it was one of those pitches where you had to see both sides bat before you could determine how good a score that was.  As it turned out, it was plenty, even though we decided to have one of our “dropping” days in the field…

Eagle made the sound decision to ask brothers Zia and Waqar to open the bowling.  Zia struck immediately for the first wicket, and Waqar would have done too except that Withers put down a simple chance at mid-on.  One of RUASCC’s most reliable fielders he may be, but he’s catching like a blind seal so far this year.

Then RUASCC got the big breakthrough: Warborough’s captain and best batsman Bradshaw given LBW to Waqar for just 5.  Zia followed it up straight away with his second wicket (clean bowled again) to leave the home side 25-3.

Several of the remaining batsmen were young lads with excellent techniques, and RUASCC spent the rest of the match deriving new and exciting ways not to catch them out.  The preferred method off Withers’ bowling was to put down the edges in the slips, while the unfortunate Waqar saw another simple chance go down at mid-off (Eagle) and Zia saw an uppish cut parried, and ultimately dropped, at point.  The bowlers soon learned that the only way to take wickets was to bowl straight and hope they miss it.

With the score on 68, still needing another 69 to win, Withers bowled left-hander Owen for 17 and the run chase started to grind to a halt.  From then on it was all about taking wickets, and Withers bagged two more in consecutive overs (one bowled, one LBW) while Zia returned from the other end to take his fifth wicket.  Of the nine wickets to fall six had been bowled and three LBW.

With four overs remaining Withers finally broke the catching hoodoo, holding onto a simple return chance to end the innings on 82 and seal victory by a decent margin.

So that’s three consecutive wins for RUASCC following the disappointment of defeats at Farley Hill and Mortimer, and there’s some reason for optimism for the rest of the season – although we might not get away with dropping quite that many chances in our other games!

RUASCC Highlight:  Whenever it stopped raining for five goddamn minutes.

RUASCC Man of the Match:  Zia.

RUASCC Team:  Ward, Eagle (capt), Carpenter, Zia, Waqar, Weeks, Malde (wkt), Singh, Stewart, Ashman, Withers

BBC Caversham (A) – 11.5.13

BBC Caversham 112 all out

Main 3-15, Withers 3-16

RUASCC 114-3

Ward 32 not out, Eagle 31

RUASCC won by 7 wickets

For the fourth game in a row RUASCC fielded first and a decent performance began with Zia taking a wicket with the opening ball of the match.  After just 13 runs were scored from the first 10 overs Withers was replaced by Tranter who, despite lobbing in the odd high full-toss, did manage to find a decent line and length and had a strong LBW appeal turned down before he castled Castle for 11.

Tranter was also involved in the next two wickets: firstly when Main found an edge that deflected off the keeper and spooned gently to him at first slip, then a superb diving stop from Ward pushed the ball to Tranter who threw down the stumps to add a direct hit run out to his wicket and catch, thus wrapping up the man of the match award with barely two hours gone.

Ward’s first ball went for six over long-on as Bennett looked to counter-attack, but the return of Withers (bowling with four slips and two gullies “like Dennis Lillee”) put an end to that and BBC collapsed from 74-3 to 84-8 under the onslaught of Withers and Main who shared six wickets for 31 runs in 23 overs. 

Smith, perhaps batting a bit low at number nine, hit 20 from one over to push the score past 100 but he soon ran out of partners when some dubious calling saw his partner run out by several yards.

A few years ago on this ground RUASCC failed to chase down 117 to win, and the batsmen knew they had to contend with a difficult pitch and a slow outfield.  What we needed was an innings of real control and substance, and somewhat surprisingly that innings came from Mike Ward who defended patiently against accurate bowling from Smith while Eagle scored the bulk of the runs in their opening partnership of 42.

The first bowling change saw the end of Eagle, LBW for the second game in a row, and Dersh soon followed, bowled by Smith who by this point had 1-13 from 10 overs.  It was another bowling change that did for Loader (9) and Zia very nearly went first ball when he skied a chance to mid-off, but in attempting to catch the ball the fielder somehow almost managed to rip his thumb off instead.  The fielder played no further part in the match and Zia recovered his composure to hit a six and two fours on his way to 27 not out.

In the 31^st over Ward finally recorded his first boundary and in the very next over Zia took a single to allow the opener to hit the winning runs.  A comfortable win by seven wickets with plenty of overs to spare.

RUASCC Highlight:  Tranter’s direct-hit run out, set up by Ward’s diving stop.

RUASCC Man of the Match:  Tranter.

RUASCC Team:  Ward (wkt2), Eagle (capt), Dersh, Loader, Zia, Dip (wkt1), Greenhalf, Main, Tranter, Rahul, Withers

Blewbury (A) – 5.5.13

Blewbury 187-6 dec

Waqar 2-38, Withers 2-52

RUASCC 188-9

Zia 49, Eagle 26

RUASCC won by 1 wicket

RUASCC matches can become rather predictable; I often find myself writing the same report each week.  In this respect last Sunday’s match was all going to plan, it was everything we have come to expect:

• Fielding first – check
• Economical but wicketless spells from Zia and Withers – check
• A few dropped catches – check
• Ken Stewart falling down a rabbit hole – check
• Eagle giving unfathomable instructions to fielders (“push to the point”) – check
• Audible chuntering and moaning at every little setback – check
• Opposition batsman easing past fifty with plenty of assistance from a series of leg-side half-trackers – check, check, checkity, check.

The high points of the fielding performance were mostly provided by Chan Malde who confidently held two difficult catches and saved countless runs at short mid-off.  The artificial wicket gave little help to the bowlers but Waqar, playing his first game of the season, removed both openers early in his spell.  Withers’ figures were only rescued by two wickets in his 11^th and final over while Fawaz bowled three tight overs at the death to help restrict the home side to 187-6.

Eagle and Fawaz, who last batted together at Theale last September and put on 104, opened and scored at a healthy rate of four runs per over before Fawaz was caught for 25.  From this point the RUASCC innings had a familiar feel to it:

• Zia scattered the field hitting eight fours and a six to put RUASCC in a winning position, before skewing a slower ball into the covers on 49.
• Eagle batted patiently for 24 overs before taking his eye off the ball and triggering a huge collapse.
• RUASCC slipped from 111-1 to 123-6.

With more than 50 runs still needed Dip and Tranter put together a very useful partnership of 29, and after Tranter was bowled Dip still looked intent on taking us over the finish line.  But with 17 runs still needed he edged behind for the eighth wicket.  Withers irresponsibly fell in near-identical fashion the very next ball ball leaving Waqar and Ken Stewart as the last pair.

Stewart defended staunchly while Waqar took control, blasting three boundaries in one over to leave RUASCC five runs from victory.  With four overs to go Stewart saw out another maiden, then when Waqar took a single from the first ball of the following over poor Kenny had to block out another five balls.

With tension rising both in the middle and on the boundary edge, Waqar picked his moment to end the match with an audacious reverse paddle, finding the gap down at third man to guide his team to an unlikely win by one wicket.  It was a sensational finish to a match we perhaps should have won a lot more easily, and it gave us an unlikely batting hero in Waqar, who finished 22 not out.

The season is up and running!

RUASCC Highlight:  Undoubtedly Waqar hitting the winning runs.

RUASCC Man of the Match:  Waqar.

RUASCC Team:  Eagle (capt), Fawaz, Zia, Malde, Dip (wkt), Taimour, Greenhalf, Tranter, Waqar, Withers, Stewart

Mortimer West End (A) – 28.4.13

Mortimer 215-3 (40 overs)

Withers 1-25, Zia 1-26

RUASCC 122 all out (30.3 overs)

Carpenter 58, Zia 23

RUASCC lost by 93 runs

The key to a happy life is to look on the bright side.  Yes, bad things will happen; people drop catches or get out to hideous, hideous shots, but if you look closely enough there are always positives to draw from any situation.  Take last Sunday: it was a freezing cold day and we were absolutely hammered by a far better side… BUT we won the toss, didn’t we.

Prime example: in the second over of the match Withers found a leading edge that went several hundred metres into the air.  The bowler called confidently for the catch, got himself in the perfect position and then dropped it very embarrassingly indeed.  So the chance of an early wicket was wasted, but on the bright side we knew that if we kept plugging away more chances would come - and sure enough a few overs later the same batsman presented an almost identical chance to Ken Stewart who, as it happened, failed to even get a hand on it.  Imagine how joyful we all felt when a mere two and a half hours later the same opening batsman completed an entertaining unbeaten hundred.

Greenhalf was getting hit for 14 per over, but on the bright side he got injured before he’d finished his second.  Yes, we only took three wickets in 40 overs, but one of them was a great catch by Eagle.  And yes, it felt like the longest, coldest, most soul-destroying miserable time we’ve ever spent in a field, but afterwards we got a lovely cup of tea.

So, 216 to win, and looking purely at the scorecard you might fall into the trap of thinking that there’s nothing good to say about the batting - but again, you’d be wrong.  Yes, Ward got himself out for a duck playing an awful shot, but at least Eagle can take solace in the fact that, for the first time in three RUASCC matches, he hadn’t run out his opening partner.

Zia entertained with some good clean hitting right up until the moment he caught one on the toe of the bat and lobbed it to backward point.  But the real highlight of the batting was the return of Ian Carpenter who hit a six and nine fours in a powerful 58.  Having failed to post a half-century in the whole of 2012, he achieved it with his first knock of the new season.

In truth after Zia’s dismissal RUASCC rarely looked like threatening the target, but on the plus side everyone got to have a bat and we were all done ten overs before the scheduled finish so we could retreat to the warm bar.

See, there’s always a bright side.

RUASCC Highlight:  Winning the toss.

RUASCC Man of the Match:   Carpenter.

RUASCC Team:  Ward, Eagle (capt), Zia, Carpenter, Dip (wkt), Malde, Greenhalf, Main, Tranter, Stewart, Withers

Farley Hill (A) – 21.4.13

Farley Hill 145 all out (34.3 overs)

Withers 4-8, Zia 2-8

RUASCC 137-9 (40 overs)

Zia 22, Taimour 22, Tranter 21 not out

RUASCC lost by 8 runs

At the end of a week containing every type of possible weather, and the longest, coldest, wettest winter since ooh… the last one, the bareness of the trees and the greenness of the pitch owed more to mid-February than late April, and when asked to bowl first RUASCC made full use of the conditions to reduce the home side to 21-5 in the first hour.

Withers, seemingly unhampered by his recent wedding, opened with a wicket-maiden, bowling Jalil off a huge inside edge, and followed up with another when Greenhalf took a diving catch at square leg.  Yet another maiden and half an hour into the season RUASCC’s premier strike bowler (really?) had two wickets at an average of zero.  Then Zia removed the dangerous Ditchburn thanks to a sharp catch at the wicket by Dip, before Withers dismissed Dudding and Clacey in the same over to finish his six-over spell with 4-8.

At first change Longfield began to play himself in and kept deep-backward-square-leg busy as Pensioner Ken Stewart struggled for a full length.  Greenhalf bowled with good pace but the sixth wicket pair stood firm until Taimour found an edge that flew high to first slip.  Ashman reacted quickly and reached to the sky but if I’m honest most of us were looking down to third-man before we realised the ball had stuck.

Having given a startling impression of cricketing competence early on, RUASCC faded in the second half of the innings.  The fielding lost a bit of discipline and Longfield looked untroubled, hitting the bulk of the runs as he passed 50 on the way to dragging Farley Hill past 100.  Ashman bowled tidily for three overs before Longfield went on the attack, and a couple of leg-side full tosses from Tranter were helped over the fence for maximums.

The last four wickets were shared by Greenhalf, Zia and Stewart (2), who finally dismissed Longfield for exactly 100 out of the Farley Hill total of 145 all out.

RUASCC should not have been daunted by the prospect of chasing 146 to win at fewer than four runs per over, and when Ward hit the third ball of the innings to the square-leg boundary it all seemed to be going well.  But in the fourth over Captain Eagle nudged into the offside and called a single – Ward responded but failed to beat a competent throw from the cover fielder and was run out for 5.  Ward didn’t look too pleased as he returned to the pavilion and left the ground, possibly for an early dinner appointment.  No one has seen him since.

Eagle and Zia hit a couple of boundaries apiece from the next two overs to set the innings back on track before both were clean bowled by Shaw.  Malde was quickly given LBW and RUASCC were 47-4, needing 99 to win, still at fewer than four per over.

Taimour got off the mark with a four and Dip went even bigger, hitting Clacey for six in his first over.  Subsequently the two batsmen settled in and scored at a decent rate, adding 42 in 11 overs before Taimour offered Jalil a return catch.  Soon Dip was bowled attempting a slog and Jalil ran riot through RUASCC’s tail as lower-order batsmen with varying degrees of senility came and went.

Greenhalf skied one to the wicketkeeper and Withers played back when he should have gone forward (and, perhaps more importantly, missed a straight one), leaving Tranter and Stewart to chase down the last 40 runs in eight overs.  And to be fair, they made a better fist of it than several before them.   Tranter, beginning his 40^th season for the club, showed some clean hitting and Stewart even managed to club one boundary before Jalil did for him too, taking his fifth wicket in the process.

Needing 16 from the final over, Tranter hit seven from the first three balls but Dr Ashman couldn’t lay bat on ball and the innings ended on 137-9, defeat by eight runs.  On the plus side, Ashman finished on his favourite score of 0 not out.

RUASCC Highlight:  Ashman’s superb reflex catch at first slip.

RUASCC Man of the Match:  In the end it had little impact on the game, but Withers’ opening spell was a welcome relief for everyone who has had to suffer watching how he usually bowls.

RUASCC Team:  Ward, Eagle (capt), Zia, Malde, Dip (wkt), Taimour, Greenhalf, Tranter, Withers, Stewart, Ashman